[Hattifnatt]

Citeam azi comentariile pe imdb si m-am terminat de ras... sunt unele de-a dreptul geniale (in a sublinia gaurile din scenariu). Cateva mostre, alese pe spranceana, daca aveti timp si chef sa cititi:

Prometheus is the story of a trillion-dollar mission to discover the origins of human life on a distant planet. Basically, this is supposed to be the greatest exploration undertaken in the history of mankind.

So who do they send? A gaggle of fractious goons whose collective scientific nous is rivalled only by that of the Three Stooges. Within minutes of touching down (conveniently beside the only 'man-made' structures on the planet, a'la 1960s Star Trek) the 'scientists' are yanking off their helmets, on the basis of 'it seems fine to me', dipping their fingers into strange organic ooze, and lugging a severed alien head back to an unquarantined spaceship in a sandwich bag.

Once there, they speedily discover the meaning of life. Then, while one of them gets a bit drunk, his two female companions decide it would be useful to stimulate the head electrically to reanimate it. They don't say why. They give it a bit too much juice, then too little,then dither over too much or too little like a couple of schoolgirls fiddling with a dicky bunsen burner, while the most important scientific discovery in human history waggles its ears and rolls its eyes - before eventually blowing up like a frog in a microwave.

Are the scientists abashed? Is the man angry? Do they all calm down and remember they have degrees in clever things, not diplomas in macramé? Do they heck.

The WHOLE MOVIE is a litany of ludicrous so-called science, schoolboy errors, and pseudo-profundity about the origin of species. Ironic really, when none of the crew would have a chance in hell in any sort of contest governed by Darwinian rules.

Crass stupidity is rampant in every department. Hi-tech helmets record every heartbeat - apparently until anything worth recording happens; stranded crewmates are abandoned to their fate in favour of a quick shag, and the spaceship door is opened to anyone who comes a-knocking. Although, after hitting the 'welcome' button, Idris Alba does do a double take and go 'Hold on a second!' but that might have just been an involuntary ad lib at his own character's baffling idiocy.

-----

Lindelhoffed /'LinDelHôfd/

Verb:

1 a : Similar to a "Rick Roll", when one is conned into viewing a series of moving pictures with no conclusive finale, despite the viewer investing a lot of emotion and time in the story.

b (1) : a bottom feeder (2) : to Lindelhoff, much like a cock tease, when a sexual partner brings the other to the point of climax but then bails just before reaching orgasm.

---

So let me get this straight...

In the future, two archaeologists discover a 35.000 years old cave painting, in Scotland. Painted by humans who worshiped giant aliens, members of superior space-faring race. Similar finds were made all over the world, of artifacts left behind by independent civilizations that shared no contact. Apparently those ancient aliens posed as Gods, were friendly, and yet, with such teachers and sponsors, all that those humans were able to leave behind were cave paintings made with charcoal and some stone tools.

This alone makes archaeologists forget all about Lucy and other famous australopithecines and hominids. Screw Darwin. We were Created, umm...engineered. Because one archaeologist "chose to believe so." Jesus of Nazareth was an alien hybrid, she concludes.

Oh yes, she's a devout Christian, I kid you not.

Pseudo-religious anti-science diarrhea at it's best.

On those ancient artifacts are included identical star maps that look like an invitation. Invitation from whom, you might ask, invitation to go where? Well, invitation from our gods, umm... aliens I mean. To go where? WELL TO GO VISIT AN ANCIENT ALIEN BIOWEAPONS STORAGE FACILITY, OF COURSE !!! So naturally, humans go and visit.

A trillionaire named Weyland pays for a space exploratory mission, THE Mission, Mission of all missions. So one would think that such a Mission would be populated by crown jewels of modern science, Cream of the Cream, the Super Intelligentsia.

Right ? Wrong.

Weyland handpicked a bunch of retards whose intellect operates on a level of a ten-year-old who learned science from comic books, and bad comic books at that !!! An archaeologist suddenly becomes an expert in genetics and biochemistry, while biologist stands by and looks bored. Alien genome is identical to human genome. Scientists remove their helmets twenty minutes after entering a compound on a foreign planet which they KNOW is populated with alien biology and potential pathogens. And when they encounter a foreign organism (after discovering a bunch of mutilated corpses !!!), a sinister looking cobra-like worm, the very first alien humans ever encountered, what do they do ? They start laughing like drunk high school kids, you know, those retarded football types, and they start petting that god-damned thing. Mummified corpses are twitching like they died five minutes ago and suddenly explode, spraying gallons of bodily fluids all over the lab. Yes, that's ancient mummies I'm talking about. A woman who just went through fully open abdominal surgery is stitched like a cardboard and starts running around. They find strange organic liquid stored in vessels on an industrial scale, in ancient alien temple, nobody bothers to analyze it.

Have you ever seen a NASA news conference or mission room after they landed a new probe on Mars? Those scientists are hugging each other with tears in their eyes. Their voices are shaking. AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN LAND ON MARS, THEY JUST SUCCESSFULLY LANDED A ROVER!!!

Landing on an alien world is every geologist's wet dream, every geologist masturbates to the thought of that!

And what does our Prometheus' geologist have to say when he wakes up from cryo-sleep? "Don't bother me with your friendship, I'm just here to make money." It's like he just broke out of jail.

And so on and on. The idiocy of these so called scientists is beyond belief and it just never stops.

Is Lindelof mentally retarded?

Is Scott senile?

I'm perfectly able to enjoy childish "sci-fi" like Transformers. That's because Michael Bay didn't set out to cheat me. He said Transformer movie is about a sexy couple, cool giant robots, ultra-spectacular fight scenes and... that's it. That's what Michael Bay promised us and that's EXACTLY what he delivered. I respect him for his unpretentious honesty and I wasn't at all disappointed by his films, I enjoyed them very much !

But this Prometheus was sold to me as a quintessential A-Movie, a masterpiece of serious, intelligent Sci-Fi. It was supposed to be an intellectual Sci-Fi film.

I feel raped.

----

Right so here's how aliens happen according to Prometheus -

In the Beginning the space jockey's came to earth.

The Space jockey's were humanoid things that like to wear cool helmets. (shame, I always thought they were an alien race akin to the elephant man, but cooler, and I thought predator had one of their skulls in his collection in predator 2 - but no! Helmets)

And so they wanted to create. And thus one of them drank some black goo and disintegrated. And then this crazy alien went, half disintegrated down a waterfall. His molecular structure did things in the water. And Thus the seed of life was planted on earth.

Then ages later the space jockeys came back to earth and helped early- man draw a diagram of some far away stars. Why did they do this you ask , well ....

The space jockeys now wanted to kill man (I don't know why) so they hatched a clever plan. They took some massive spaceships to a planet called LV-223 and there they created a new black goo which does horrible random things.

And there they would wait, wait until mankind became clever enough to decipher the diagrams of far away stars and come .

Even if it took 70 million years they would wait, and one day man would come and would die by black goo!! That was the plan.

Unfortunately the space jockeys on LV-223 were terrible at handling the black goo and ended up spilling it or something. They did after all, keep the containers of goo on the floor. It was a disaster, some ran down corridors and fell over and their heads fell off, all but one space jockey died. The elaborate goo plan had failed - or had it -

Humans did eventually show up. All was not lost, thought the goo. One human got goo inside him and horrible random things happened.He promptly had sex with the main character. Another guy became a zombie, The women gave birth to a slimy thing and the captain played the concertina.

Meanwhile the last space jockey (remember him) got woken up by humans and a robot. And boy was he angry-

Unfortunately for him he ended up the victim of the slimy thing (which is now a giant facehugger).

Later- you'll never guess what bursts of out the poor old space jockey. An alien from Alien !! (more or less). Perhaps the space jockeys should have just blown earth up to kill their creations the humans instead of the goo plan. Being a super race and everything.

Thus ends the events of LV-223 So that's how aliens happen according to Prometheus. Leading perfectly into the 1979 film Alien - where they land on LV 426 .

Understand? No me Neither.

----

Si mai sunt... daca aveti rabdare sa cititi si chef sa radeti Cred ca involuntar filmul ar putea fi o comedie destul de reusita