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mie-mi plac si observatiile din partea de stand-up:
According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.
The problem with the mall garage is that everything looks the same. They try to differentiate between levels. They put up different colors, different numbers, different letters. What they need to do is name the levels like, “Your mother’s a whore.” You would remember that. Your would go, “No, we’re not. We’re in ‘My father’s an abusive alcoholic’.”
n my block, a lot of people walk their dogs and I always see them walking along with their little poop bags. This, to me, is the lowest activity in human life. Following a dog with a little pooper scooper. Waiting for him to go so you can walk down the street with it in your bag. If aliens are watching this through telescopes, they’re going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
Why is commitment such a big problem for a man? I think that, for some reason, when a man is driving down that freeway of love, the woman he’s involved with is like an exit. But he doesn’t want to get out, he wants to keep driving. And the woman is like, “Look, gas, food, lodging, that’s our exit, that’s everything we need to be happy, get out, here, now!” But the man is focusing on the sign underneath. It says, “Next exit, twenty-seven miles.” And he thinks, “I can make it!”
sau observatia despre oamenii care poarta ochelari (aproximativ): de ce zice lumea ca ar capata un aer mai intelectual? Unii isi pun chiar si fara dioptrii, numai pentru asta. Vom zice: poarta ochelari, aha, deci a citit mult la viata lui? E la fel de absurd cu a spune cand vedem pe unul care are aparat auditiv: a auzit mult la viata lui.
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