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Pitbull · 21 Dec 2008, 11:38

FOLLOW THE TRAIL OF THE FOUR-BUTTOCKED MONSTER

- or –

THE TINKNICKERS

Absurd Theater Play

Cast of Characters:

Sopi (as for "Aesopus")
Pompiliu aka "Piliu"
Petra
Mimi
Coca
Turkey-Hans
Turkey-Hens
ªupi (read "Showpeyy")

and:

A pornoman
A stabbed between his ankles
Folks
Some quality crowd

ACT I
Scene 1
Mimi, Petra, then Sopi (as for "Aesopus")

The curtain raises over a scene representing a trolleybus stop. Astride the bus-stop sign, Mimi scans the horizon, shading his nose with his hand. Petra comes, bandy-legged.
PETRA: - Coming?
MIMI (glaring sideways): - Nope coming!
Petra redresses her bandy-legs, screeching like a door lubricated with medicinal spirtus. Stops a motorbike that’s engineless, wheelsless, handlesless, tankless, seatless, lightless, frameless, breakless and kittieeyeless. From it comes down Sopi (as for "Aesopus").
SOPI (as for "Aesopus"): Hi-dyahave-brotsch?
PETRA: - Only in bunches.
SOPI (as for "Aesopus"): - What a crookjob!!!

Scene 2
The same, Coca.

Same set. Mimi is still there, Petra is again bandy-legged, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") kisses his own throat passionately. From the right side enters Coca. Coca is equipped as follows: he wears a pear of Eskimo slacks in the color of Portuguese phone-sets, a maillot without shoulder-straps, with strings over the diaphragm and "Mary Stuart" collar. He's bald on the left side. In his hand he holds two balls-suspenders and a half. He sees Mimi and he hits in his had Sopi (as for "Aesopus") with a balls-suspender and a half, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") stiffens, Petra starts redressing, Coca takes Sopi (as for "Aesopus") in his arms, Petra continues redressing, Coca props Sopi (as for "Aesopus") next to the pole, Petra passed over the mid-redressing, Coca climbs on the pole, using Sopi (as for "Aesopus") as footholds, Petra is almost redressed, Coca hangs on Mimi' ear the remaining balls-suspender, Petra finishes her redressing, Coca jumps down and leaves to the left, walking sideways with his back to the audience, Petra is redressed. Who listened attentively could remark that she creaked like a window oiled with methane gas.

Scene 3
The same, minus Mimi, then ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), Turkey-Hans and Turkey-Hens.
Décor: a sieve.

Sitting down asswise, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") cries buckets. Petra comes, bandy-legged again.
PETRA (tenderly): - Why are you crying, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") my love?
SOPI (as for "Aesopus") (whispers at her ear).
PETRA (redressing - she creaks like an unglued chair - also bursts in tears).
Enters ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), wearing Coca's clothes.
ªUPI (READ "SHOWPEYY") (cutely): - Why are you crying, Petra my sex?
PETRA (whispers at her ear).
ªUPI (READ "SHOWPEYY") (listens, nodding happily and approvingly, only to also burst in tears at the end of the report).
Turkey-Hans and Turkey-Hens enters by back-left, arm in arm, each having the inner leg in the same pair of pants.
TURKEY-HANS (sweetly): - Why are you crying...
TURKEY-HENS (bitterly): - ...kids?
ªUPI (CITEªTE "SHOWPEYY") (whispers, between sobs, to both of their outer ears).
Turkey-Hans and Turkey-Hens wet themselves instantly.

- End of First Act-

ACT II

Scene 1
Mass scene

Center-stage, a holy-mass table. On it, wearing only his underwear, plays snooker Pompiliu aka "Piliu".
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES (entering front-stage): - Whaddya up-to?!?
POMPILIU ZIS "PILIU" (during a long jump): - Nutty-up, buttercup!
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES (unknowingly): - Wozzat?

Scene 2
A pornoman, the stabbed between his ankles, folks.

Middle-stage, all alone, is dueling a pornoman that holds in his left hand a "Playboy" magazine without covers and without pages, and in his right hand a "Penthouse" magazine without pages and without covers. A group of folks are assisting. Enters the stabbed between his ankles. The stabbed between his ankles drags by a foot Coca, limp.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he dead?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, alive he is.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he unconscious?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, awoke he is.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he ill?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, healthy he is.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he wounded?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, intact he is.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he paralysed?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, movable he is.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he human?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, a dummy he is.

Scene 3
Sopi (as for "Aesopus"), Petra, ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), Turkey-Hans, Turkey-Hens, Mimi, some quality crowd.

A soirée with quality crowd. Sopi (as for "Aesopus") makes conversation with Turkey-Hans, Petra is bandy-legged once again, she plays buzz-autobuzz with ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), Mimi stares at Turkey-Hens in bliss and hype / and purple is his color / as of a cooking-machine pipe / decolored by squallor.
A QUALITY PERSON (to Petra): - Why was crying then Sopi (as for "Aesopus")?
PETRA (redressing without creaking): - The censorship had rejected the movie "The Crone Wore Tin Knickers"!

- Curtain -

End of Act II and of the play

(1975; translated 2005)

21 Dec 2008, 11:38	#39
Pitbull Unlikely Messiah Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Bucharest Posts: 16,822	FOLLOW THE TRAIL OF THE FOUR-BUTTOCKED MONSTER - or – THE TINKNICKERS Absurd Theater Play Cast of Characters: Sopi (as for "Aesopus") Pompiliu aka "Piliu" Petra Mimi Coca Turkey-Hans Turkey-Hens ªupi (read "Showpeyy") and: A pornoman A stabbed between his ankles Folks Some quality crowd ACT I Scene 1 Mimi, Petra, then Sopi (as for "Aesopus") The curtain raises over a scene representing a trolleybus stop. Astride the bus-stop sign, Mimi scans the horizon, shading his nose with his hand. Petra comes, bandy-legged. PETRA: - Coming? MIMI (glaring sideways): - Nope coming! Petra redresses her bandy-legs, screeching like a door lubricated with medicinal spirtus. Stops a motorbike that’s engineless, wheelsless, handlesless, tankless, seatless, lightless, frameless, breakless and kittieeyeless. From it comes down Sopi (as for "Aesopus"). SOPI (as for "Aesopus"): Hi-dyahave-brotsch? PETRA: - Only in bunches. SOPI (as for "Aesopus"): - What a crookjob!!! Scene 2 The same, Coca. Same set. Mimi is still there, Petra is again bandy-legged, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") kisses his own throat passionately. From the right side enters Coca. Coca is equipped as follows: he wears a pear of Eskimo slacks in the color of Portuguese phone-sets, a maillot without shoulder-straps, with strings over the diaphragm and "Mary Stuart" collar. He's bald on the left side. In his hand he holds two balls-suspenders and a half. He sees Mimi and he hits in his had Sopi (as for "Aesopus") with a balls-suspender and a half, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") stiffens, Petra starts redressing, Coca takes Sopi (as for "Aesopus") in his arms, Petra continues redressing, Coca props Sopi (as for "Aesopus") next to the pole, Petra passed over the mid-redressing, Coca climbs on the pole, using Sopi (as for "Aesopus") as footholds, Petra is almost redressed, Coca hangs on Mimi' ear the remaining balls-suspender, Petra finishes her redressing, Coca jumps down and leaves to the left, walking sideways with his back to the audience, Petra is redressed. Who listened attentively could remark that she creaked like a window oiled with methane gas. Scene 3 The same, minus Mimi, then ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), Turkey-Hans and Turkey-Hens. Décor: a sieve. Sitting down asswise, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") cries buckets. Petra comes, bandy-legged again. PETRA (tenderly): - Why are you crying, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") my love? SOPI (as for "Aesopus") (whispers at her ear). PETRA (redressing - she creaks like an unglued chair - also bursts in tears). Enters ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), wearing Coca's clothes. ªUPI (READ "SHOWPEYY") (cutely): - Why are you crying, Petra my sex? PETRA (whispers at her ear). ªUPI (READ "SHOWPEYY") (listens, nodding happily and approvingly, only to also burst in tears at the end of the report). Turkey-Hans and Turkey-Hens enters by back-left, arm in arm, each having the inner leg in the same pair of pants. TURKEY-HANS (sweetly): - Why are you crying... TURKEY-HENS (bitterly): - ...kids? ªUPI (CITEªTE "SHOWPEYY") (whispers, between sobs, to both of their outer ears). Turkey-Hans and Turkey-Hens wet themselves instantly. - End of First Act- ACT II Scene 1 Mass scene Center-stage, a holy-mass table. On it, wearing only his underwear, plays snooker Pompiliu aka "Piliu". THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES (entering front-stage): - Whaddya up-to?!? POMPILIU ZIS "PILIU" (during a long jump): - Nutty-up, buttercup! THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES (unknowingly): - Wozzat? Scene 2 A pornoman, the stabbed between his ankles, folks. Middle-stage, all alone, is dueling a pornoman that holds in his left hand a "Playboy" magazine without covers and without pages, and in his right hand a "Penthouse" magazine without pages and without covers. A group of folks are assisting. Enters the stabbed between his ankles. The stabbed between his ankles drags by a foot Coca, limp. THE PORNOMAN: - Is he dead? THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, alive he is. THE PORNOMAN: - Is he unconscious? THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, awoke he is. THE PORNOMAN: - Is he ill? THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, healthy he is. THE PORNOMAN: - Is he wounded? THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, intact he is. THE PORNOMAN: - Is he paralysed? THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, movable he is. THE PORNOMAN: - Is he human? THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, a dummy he is. Scene 3 Sopi (as for "Aesopus"), Petra, ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), Turkey-Hans, Turkey-Hens, Mimi, some quality crowd. A soirée with quality crowd. Sopi (as for "Aesopus") makes conversation with Turkey-Hans, Petra is bandy-legged once again, she plays buzz-autobuzz with ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), Mimi stares at Turkey-Hens in bliss and hype / and purple is his color / as of a cooking-machine pipe / decolored by squallor. A QUALITY PERSON (to Petra): - Why was crying then Sopi (as for "Aesopus")? PETRA (redressing without creaking): - The censorship had rejected the movie "The Crone Wore Tin Knickers"! - Curtain - End of Act II and of the play (1975; translated 2005)