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Episode 3
Mightwane: SEX? SEX!?
Distant Voice: Scotty beam me up! [insert cheap special effect] It is I, Lieutenant Uhura! I am a black lady with an attitude. Foxxxy mama! [insert same ‘70s porn music as before]
Mightwane: *huh?* SEXSEXSEX??? NOSEXNOSEXNOSEX!!!
Uhura: I am your eternal chocolate momma. Snap-snap erases tap-tap! Let us rejoyce and sing hula-hula songs on your mighty ukulele!
[They sing happily and merrily but not gayly.]
Uhura: Hula-hula-hula-hula-uhula-uhula-uhura-uhura. Look! There’s Lars Von Trier chasing after Nicole Kidman!!!
Mightwane: *drool*
Nicole: Let me be, you egomaniacal danish scum! [she runs and runs and runs and…]
LVT: Stop fucking that piano! Make it real! Make it real! No lights! No music! No walls! No scenery! DOGMA RULZ! I is genius![Nicole jumps into Mightwane’s arms. *DROOL*]
Uhura: Isn’t LVT from Chile?
Nicole: Oh Mightwane, hold me in your strong arms and make love to me for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever…[They kiss. Mightwane’s hard now. Hot sex scene coming up…but only after this:]
Godzilla: ROAAAAR!!!
LVT: Björk! Is that you?
Godzilla: Not really…but I could be whatever you want *blink blink*.
LVT: MAKE IT MORE REAL! MAKE IT BELIEVABLE!!!
[Godzilla starts fucking LVT and after it disembowels him, it leaves happily on the yellow brick road. Back to Mightwane, Uhura and Nicole]
Uhura: Twinkle, twinkle titty twister! Given the fact that I’m an ugly black momma, I must go now and explore parts of the universe where no man or black woman has ever gone before *echo*. [She obviously leaves, leaving Mightwane and Nicole to their hot intercourse. But wait!!!! GODZILLA RETURNS!]
[To be continued]
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Switched On Lotus
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