[Nightwane]

Episode 1

[This is the journey of one man named Beany scarred for life by all that is campy, whose dreams are haunted by all that is campy. What we are about to present you is one of his strange experiences in the Twilight Zone: Teletubbies Show. They dance around happily and brainwashingly. In India, Jesus comes down to Earth to destroy once again Bollywood. Insert huge explosion here with flying indians. Back to the Teletubbies Show. We see them dancing around, prancing about like some flaming gay-persons while Beany is in a corner, watching them. Meanwhile, Jesus is dilly-dallying in Romania, deflowering Roger Ebert.Back to The Teletubbies show.]

Teletubby 1: La-la-la-la-la-la.
Teletubby 2: Hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi.
Teletubby 3: OH SHIT HERE COMES BARNEY!

[We see Barney, the drugged AND purple dinosaur. Barney is very-very-very-very horny. He grabs one of the teletubbies, he starts fucking him and we see that the teletubby is actually NUTRITIOUS B.I.G. – insert scream here. Meanwhile, the other two teletubbies start jerking off – and we CLEARLY see that they are MICHAEL JACKSON and MADALINA – insert faint and scream here.]

Barney: Hey Kids! Me hump me hump me hump!!!
Nutritious B.I.G.: MMMMmmm..it’s hurts so good…your sperm is very nutritious…

[Meanwhile, back in Romania, Jesus just finished his deflowering session.]

Jesus: Up and awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! [he flies and lands in the Teletubbies Show where Barney is still fucking Nutritious B.I.G. like there’s no tomorrow accompanied by Beany’s screams. Jesus, annoyed by Beany, shoves his hand in his body and rips his spleen off. Then starts running towards Barney.]

Jesus: A-ha! Barney...you foul fiend! I came all the way from heaven to rape these poor little fuckers and you rape them before me? [insert cheesy zoom on Jesus’ eyes – like in them westerns, howdy y’all!]

Barney: Hey Kids! Oh no! It’s Jesus! My sworn enemy! And what have you got there, Jesus? Spleen? Give it to me! Argh! Argh! Gnarl! [They, like, fight and stuff. Barney dies, eventually.]

Jesus: [to the teletubbies] Like, come and suck my holy rod! Like, i have THE spleen and shit! My divine lollipop awaits thine pagan lips!

Teletubbies: YUMMY!!! Bless us heavenly father with your divine thingie.


[To be Continued in Episode 2]