[LadyEowyin]

60 YEARS LATER . . .
The Long (and I mean looong¡Kthey didn¡¦t use to do that back in my hippie days. We used tyo kick it all day, everyday.) The Long Expected Party
(Bilbo Baggins stands on a barrel at his birthday)

BILBO: Today is my eleventy-first birthday! But eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such admirable hobbits . . . whoah, aaaARRGGGH! He puts on the ring ¡V which by the way ¡K he found it in Gollum¡¦s Cave ¡K and disappears
The Crowd: eeeeah! Bring Out the ale ¡V let the parteee goin¡¦!

Gandalf: Bilbo ¡V get your ass to Rivendell and wait for us there ¡V I got this big thing coming up ¡K gotta get ur nephew to go on this 13 mounths quest to destroy that stupid ass ring of yours!
Bilbo: No it¡¦s my prescioussss, I won¡¦t give it up, it¡¦s mine, it came to me!
Gandalf: God Damn it Bilbo you want me to get pissed and start shaking down the house and get all dark in here!
Bilbo: Ok! On my way!

Gandalf wants to take the ring but as he draws close to it he has a mental frame of a GIANT ASS VAGINA!
Gandalf: No thank you! I am one of the Istari ¡K I am 7000 years old¡K or 3000 ¡V who cares¡K I have knowledge and power ¡V I seek not such pleasures¡K

NARRATOR: Dude! Stop it ¡V You¡¦re GAY!
Gandalf: Ok! None can contempt with the will of the Narrator!

Narrator: Gandalf! Go tell Frodo where he has to go cuz we waistin¡¦ people¡¦s energy, time and nerves!
Gandalf to Frodo: You heard the man! Ah! By the way you can take fatty there with you to keep you company! And by company my dear Frodo you understand whatever you want.
Frodo: I will take him! Yes Yes!
Gandalf Storm Bow: My dear Frodo! Hobbits really are amazing creatures! You can learn everything there is to know about them in a mounth and after 100 years they can still surprize you! My fair , beautiful skinned and handsome Frodo!

Narrator: Meanwhile back in Mordor (Mount Doom, Baradur and a lot of CGI special effects that you can¡¦t even keep track of) we find that someone is pissed off. Sauron is standing in the background, looking extremely distressed.

ORC 1: What's the matter with him?
ORC 2: He's still upset over losing that damn Ring.
ORC 1: What? Is this guy for real ?... that was how long ago? Over 3000 years? (pause and the 2 orcs rolling over their eyes) He sure looks tense. I bet if you mentioned the Ring he'd jump 50 feet in the air.
ORC 2: walks up to Sauron and says: Ring.
SAURON: AHHH! (shoots up)
ORC 1: Sorry, I was wrong. Only 48 feet!
ORC 2: Dude! You need to lighten up! That¡¦s pretty pathetic!

(Shot of Gollum being tickled by three dorks. He screams in agony. "Stop tickling me! Please! Shire! Baggins! Chocolate cake! Oh, that feels good!" The nine Nazgul rush out, dressed all in black to pretend they¡¦re pretty cool¡K
SoundGuy puts on the Men In Black Movie Theme Song: ¡§Here come the men in black¡K¡¨
Galadriel: Nobody in this story is cooler than the elves!

Narrator: Bitch wait your turn!
Narrator: Due to some of the malfunctions the characters of Merry and Pippin¡¦ have been introduced directly into the story! ¡§You know to cut the story short¡¨ we think they¡¦re rather pathetic characters but that old dude Tolkien wrote em¡¦ and we can¡¦t shake ¡¥em off! ƒº
Narrator: all of a sudden we see Weird gay Al ¡K a.k.a Tom Bombadil.
Tom Bombadil: Helloooo Friends! Singing all the time..
Frodo: Got no time to waste around with you weirdo!
Narrator: Tom Bombadil disappears.


and we'll see you next week ...