[Terror_IST]

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true story with a moral. The following day, Suzy raises her hand and says, "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road. The teacher asks for the moral to the story. Suzy replies, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

Next is Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too, and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched. The moral is: Don't count your chicks before they are hatched.''

Billy is last to speak. He says, ''My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam War. His plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, with only a parachute, a bottle of bourbon, a machine gun, and a machete. As he floated down, he drank the bottle of bourbon. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 North Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade broke on his machete, so he killed the last 10 with his bare hands. The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't mess with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking.''

.................................................. .................................................. ......

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time with the same result. He figured he'd crawl outside and get some fresh air to sober himself up.
Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed, he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He awoke the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"
"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.
"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."

.................................................. .................................................. ......

There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stopped to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately, he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Oh my God! We need to give him Head and Shoulders." The blonde then replied, "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"

.................................................. .................................................. .......

One day a small lizard was walking through the forest. He smelled pot and looked up to find a koala bear sitting in a tree.
The little lizard looked up and said, "Hey koala bear, what are you doing up there?"
The bear replied, "I'm getting high, come on up." So the lizard joined the bear in the tree.
They continued to smoke joint after joint until finally the little lizard said, "My mouth is dry like cotton."
The koala bear agreed and told the lizard to go down to the river and get a drink and in the meantime he would roll another joint.
The little lizard attempted to lean over to drink water from the river and was so stoned, he fell right in and started splashing around.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to help the lizard to shore. He said, "Lizard what is wrong with you?"
The lizard replied, "I've been getting stoned with the koala bear. I needed water and fell in the river."
The crocodile said, "I don't believe this. Take me to the tree you were in."
So they walked through the forest and they come to the tree where the koala bear was sitting. The crocodile looked up and said, "Hey koala bear, what are you doing up there?"
The koala bear looked down and said, "Holy crap dude, how much water did you drink?"