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Gaandalf · 16 Jun 2004, 11:48

Part 2 - The Romantic Crap… uh Part
Rivendell
(Romantic music is playing. We can hear the Elves at a disco in the next room):
“Do the dance/
Make some love/
Get down tonight/
Get down tonight.”

Arwen: A si – Dhuath u-orthor …
Arwen: God Damn music! Let’s go in this magical multi-coloured place so we can DO IT!
Narrator : Suddenly Glorfindel pops out from the bushes dancing & drinking elvish rum.
Aragorn: Glorfindel?
Glorfindel: D.I.S.C.O, D.I.S.C.O, D.I.S.C.O!
Arwen: Is he drunk ?
Glorfindel: Hey Poondomiel! Elves are too cool to get drunk! We’re just happy when we drink elvish rum!
Aragorn: Happy ? what do you mean ?
Glorfindel: What do you want to understand … if you know what I mean ?
Aragorn: Yes, I do!
Aragorn: Honey! I’ll be back in 20 minutes
Arwen: Oh No! I’m getting’ laid and I’m getting now!
Narrator: Arwen nervously picks up Glorfindel and throws him into the Bruinen River and drowns.”So passes Glorfindel – a poor unfortunate actor who didn’t make it to Hollywood!”

Arwen: A si I-Dhuath u-orthor, Aragorn. U or le a u or nin! Reinich I lui mae govannen?
ELROND: What is the meaning of this?
ARAGORN: Uh... uh... I was uh... helping her zip her dress. (Arwen groans)

Pee Jay: CUUUUUUUUUT! No zippers guys…. Common’ there were no zippers in this story! Now Common’ with more feeling this time!
ELROND: He was what?!
ARWEN: What he meant to say was he was helping me find... my necklace.
ELROND: You lost the Evenstar? Isn’t that kick you in the crotch , spit on your neck fantastic?
ARWEN: No...
ELROND: He has it in his hand.
ARWEN: Oh! Why thank you ever so much, Aragorn. I'm uh... I have to go.
(Quickly exits. Aragorn laughs nervously, slightly showing his teeth as EYEBROWS – that’s ELROND, looks at him with the same look he gave MR. Anderson!)
ELROND: I am here to give you the most important things of all: PURPOSE. You have to accept your heritage and become that stupid king already, and take a bath while you’re at it.
Aragorn: Why ?
Elrond: You dare ask that question?
Aragorn: Well yes!
Elrond: Because of you all my fair animals have fled Rivendell. Some never made it … but few got out and the word is out there’s this man in Rivendell who’s killing fellow animals on sight.
Aragorn: Who is he?
Elrond: Dumb ass! It’s you, you dufus! You’ve ruined the reputation of my cool never before seen magical land.
Aragorn quickly flees to the water fall!

LEGOLAS and UNIMPORTANT ELVES arrive
GIMLI and UNIMPORTANT DWARVES arrive.
BOROMIR and THE OLD GUYS OF GONDOR, equally unimportant, arrive.
BOROMIR studies the picture of SAURON. Then, BOROMIR disrespects the SWORD-THAT-WAS-BROKEN that others obviously revere.
BOROMIR: There, I think that establishes some tension between Aragorn and myself.

ARWEN: Don’t let him get to you honey. Let’s have a romantic moment.
<everyone on the set starts pucking their guts out> :sick: :sick: :sick: 20 minutes later everone on the set is good 2 goo but the narrator is still throwing up. Finally an hour later the wheels are back in motion …

Elrond & Gandalf talking …
Gandalf: Now what ?
ELROND: Now we will have a flashback to explain why I look so pissed off all the time.
Narrator: The FLASHBACK of the FLASHBACK of the FLASHBACK starts again, this time from ELROND’S point of view. ISILDUR refuses to give up THE RING. Again.
Narrator: That’s new information … duuuh!

THE OVERBLOWN ELF CITY OF RIVENDELL, or village -
Inside THE NOT-SO-SECRET COUNCIL OF ELROND

Frodo: Gandalf! What happened! Why didn’t you meet us ?
Gandalf: well! …
Narrator: Embarassing & long dialogue between the coolest of wizzards…
Gandalf: If only he had imprisoned me at the top of a high tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not prevent a giant eagle from rescuing me, instead of a huge, deep dungeon underground. … Oh wait!

Aragorn talking to Gandalf: Wait wait wait, let me get this straight: You talked to a moth to tell an eagle to come find you? You speak MOTH, you catch a ride on one of the BIG-ASS EAGLES ACROSS MIDDLE-EARTH ?
Aragorn: I don't think I'm in the right movie Dude! …

The Council : SSSHHHHHHHHHH!
Elrond: This Frodo kid is bugging me with his eyes… Hey! Stop starring at the ring like that… eyes up here! Focus!
Elrond patiently losing his grip! Kid FOCUS! CONCENTRATE! 2 mounths of “concentration camp” won’t hurt …
Frodo: WHAT? Take that back!
Elrond: Dude! Chill! What did I say?
Narrator: Elrond! God Damn it! You’re so stupid! Elijah here is a jew, and he don’t take well jokes with World War 2 Auschwitz similar concentration camps… Apologize!
Elrond: Ok! Ok! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!
Frodo: Yes, you did!
Elrond: No, I didn’t … Oh what the hell! I did! Carry on now …
Narrator: Quieeeeeet! (lightning and thunder special effects in the backround to point out that the NARRATOR is pissed off!)
Gimli: Here let me make a fool of myself by trying to smash the Ring!!...ouch.
Elrond: Oh yeah I forgot: We can't get rid of it unless we take it to the place Sauron made it.
Elrond: So guys! Who wants to die ?
Gandalf: OK let's do that.
Elrond: You wanna die??
Gandalf: Hell no!
Elrond: That's what I thought.
Gandalf: I mean destroy it
Boromir: Mordor is where it was made. There is evil there(Narrator snorring …) that does not sleep. It does actually… and it snores like hell. Can’t get any decent sleep. Ok let’s go … Kill em’ all. In the name of Good Night Sleep.
Elrond: Somebody take care of this poor helpless guy. Shut him up for good!

Narrator: Upon hearing that, Gimli stands up, picks up his axe and walks over to Boromir.
Gimli: (lifting his axe above boromir’s head) aaaaahhhhh!
Elrond: STOOOOOOP! What the f@ck do you think you are doing? You short hairy, pointles existing animal ?
Gimli: You specifically said “take care of him” … so I took action. My moto is: “Less talk, more action”!
Elrond: You wanna know my motto Gimli? It’s like this:
“Shut your hole before I put you in one.”
Narrator: Meanwhile Boromir was still rambling on: The most horrible stench imaginable; the very air you breathe is a poisonous mixture of the two.

Legolas: Wow! Sounds like fun. Definitely the prettiest here!
Gimli: NO! Don't give it to the elf! Elves are stupid pointy-eared pussies!! Never trust an elf!! Elves are the reason we have this stupid thing! Elves can't commit to a relationship because 'they're immortal and it just gets boring!!!
Legolas: No one said they'd give me the Ring! And I thought we both agreed about that immortal thing!

Narrator:The entire council breaks out into argument for a minute or two; finally Frodo speaks up…
Frodo: I'll take it!
Gondor men: Pawn it!
Elrond: Shut up you stupid hobbit!
Aragorn: Use it! Oh no! sorry I am the voice of reason here! Use it!- Darn!
Frodo: I'm serious! I’ll go. Better than listening to you hippie-boy!
Council bursting into a mad laughing status…
Elrond turns to the council pissed – eveyone stops laughing & looking nervously with a nervous display of a fake grin.
Elrond I guess no one else wants to do it.
Council: Nope.
Elrond: Sure kid, whatever.
Frodo: Awesome!
Elrond: You won't be sayin’ awesome when you turn out like old "uncle" Bilbo back there.
Frodo: Cousin.
Elrond: Whatever.

Gandalf: Well it looks like we have no choice. I will come and make sure he's tall enough to throw it in. Plus … You’ll need an old guy!
Boromir: I will come and try to change their minds and in case you need some interior conflict!
Gimli: I am a dwarf! You’ll need my accent!
Aragorn: I'm taking a shower!
Council: YYAAAAYY!!!
Aragorn: Frodo! You Have My Sword!
Legolas: And I guess I'll come so I can be the most prettyful.
Arwen: I wanna come!! Ary baby can I come too?!
Aragorn: No.
Arwen: Ugh! Why? Don't you LOVE ME?!?!
Elrond: Arwen: there comes a time in every man's life where he needs to be in a fellowship with other people to destroy a weapon of mass destruction such as this ring, and those people need to be men, not women.
Arwen: But why?!?!
Elrond:....because it's in the books.
Arwen:....WWWAAAAAHHHHH!!
Elrond: Boring council. Good thing i got to say DOOM a few times with a very dramatic voice.

<Exit Arwen, very hysterically. Sam, Merry, and Pippin pop out of the bushes.>
Sam: Hey! We wanna come!!
Pipin: eaaaaah! Not so sure about this – too gay for me! But sign me up…
Merry: We’re hobbits Pipin – remember?
Pipin: Oh yeah! Right! Count me in!
Merry: Hey Frodo! you’ll need comic relief!
Elrond: At least we’ll only lose one elf.

a se continua dupa ce ma intorc din capitala ... now ENJOY!

16 Jun 2004, 11:48	#48
Gaandalf The White Rider Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: with charlotte Posts: 4,253	Part 2 - The Romantic Crap… uh Part Rivendell (Romantic music is playing. We can hear the Elves at a disco in the next room): “Do the dance/ Make some love/ Get down tonight/ Get down tonight.” Arwen: *A si – Dhuath u-orthor …* Arwen: God Damn music! Let’s go in this magical multi-coloured place so we can DO IT! Narrator : Suddenly Glorfindel pops out from the bushes dancing & drinking elvish rum. Aragorn: Glorfindel? Glorfindel: D.I.S.C.O, D.I.S.C.O, D.I.S.C.O! Arwen: Is he drunk ? Glorfindel: Hey Poondomiel! Elves are too cool to get drunk! We’re just happy when we drink elvish rum! Aragorn: Happy ? what do you mean ? Glorfindel: What do you want to understand … if you know what I mean ? Aragorn: Yes, I do! Aragorn: Honey! I’ll be back in 20 minutes Arwen: Oh No! I’m getting’ laid and I’m getting now! Narrator: Arwen nervously picks up Glorfindel and throws him into the Bruinen River and drowns.”So passes Glorfindel – a poor unfortunate actor who didn’t make it to Hollywood!” Arwen: *A si I-Dhuath u-orthor, Aragorn. U or le a u or nin! Reinich I lui mae govannen?* ELROND: What is the meaning of this? ARAGORN: Uh... uh... I was uh... helping her zip her dress. (Arwen groans) Pee Jay: CUUUUUUUUUT! No zippers guys…. Common’ there were no zippers in this story! Now Common’ with more feeling this time! ELROND: He was what?! ARWEN: What he meant to say was he was helping me find... my necklace. ELROND: You lost the Evenstar? Isn’t that kick you in the crotch , spit on your neck fantastic? ARWEN: No... ELROND: He has it in his hand. ARWEN: Oh! Why thank you ever so much, Aragorn. I'm uh... I have to go. (Quickly exits. Aragorn laughs nervously, slightly showing his teeth as EYEBROWS – that’s ELROND, looks at him with the same look he gave MR. Anderson!) ELROND: I am here to give you the most important things of all: PURPOSE. You have to accept your heritage and become that stupid king already, and take a bath while you’re at it. Aragorn: Why ? Elrond: You dare ask that question? Aragorn: Well yes! Elrond: Because of you all my fair animals have fled Rivendell. Some never made it … but few got out and the word is out there’s this man in Rivendell who’s killing fellow animals on sight. Aragorn: Who is he? Elrond: Dumb ass! It’s you, you dufus! You’ve ruined the reputation of my cool never before seen magical land. Aragorn quickly flees to the water fall! LEGOLAS and UNIMPORTANT ELVES arrive GIMLI and UNIMPORTANT DWARVES arrive. BOROMIR and THE OLD GUYS OF GONDOR, equally unimportant, arrive. BOROMIR studies the picture of SAURON. Then, BOROMIR disrespects the SWORD-THAT-WAS-BROKEN that others obviously revere. BOROMIR: There, I think that establishes some tension between Aragorn and myself. ARWEN: Don’t let him get to you honey. Let’s have a romantic moment. <everyone on the set starts pucking their guts out> :sick: :sick: :sick: 20 minutes later everone on the set is good 2 goo but the narrator is still throwing up. Finally an hour later the wheels are back in motion … Elrond & Gandalf talking … Gandalf: Now what ? ELROND: Now we will have a flashback to explain why I look so pissed off all the time. Narrator: The FLASHBACK of the FLASHBACK of the FLASHBACK starts again, this time from ELROND’S point of view. ISILDUR refuses to give up THE RING. Again. Narrator: That’s new information … duuuh! THE OVERBLOWN ELF CITY OF RIVENDELL, or village - Inside THE NOT-SO-SECRET COUNCIL OF ELROND Frodo: Gandalf! What happened! Why didn’t you meet us ? Gandalf: well! … Narrator: Embarassing & long dialogue between the coolest of wizzards… Gandalf: If only he had imprisoned me at the top of a high tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not prevent a giant eagle from rescuing me, instead of a huge, deep dungeon underground. … Oh wait! Aragorn talking to Gandalf: Wait wait wait, let me get this straight: You talked to a moth to tell an eagle to come find you? You speak MOTH, you catch a ride on one of the BIG-ASS EAGLES ACROSS MIDDLE-EARTH ? Aragorn: I don't think I'm in the right movie Dude! … The Council : SSSHHHHHHHHHH! Elrond: This Frodo kid is bugging me with his eyes… Hey! Stop starring at the ring like that… eyes up here! Focus! Elrond patiently losing his grip! Kid FOCUS! CONCENTRATE! 2 mounths of “concentration camp” won’t hurt … Frodo: WHAT? Take that back! Elrond: Dude! Chill! What did I say? Narrator: Elrond! God Damn it! You’re so stupid! Elijah here is a jew, and he don’t take well jokes with World War 2 Auschwitz similar concentration camps… Apologize! Elrond: Ok! Ok! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! Frodo: Yes, you did! Elrond: No, I didn’t … Oh what the hell! I did! Carry on now … Narrator: Quieeeeeet! (lightning and thunder special effects in the backround to point out that the NARRATOR is pissed off!) Gimli: Here let me make a fool of myself by trying to smash the Ring!!...ouch. Elrond: Oh yeah I forgot: We can't get rid of it unless we take it to the place Sauron made it. Elrond: So guys! Who wants to die ? Gandalf: OK let's do that. Elrond: You wanna die?? Gandalf: Hell no! Elrond: That's what I thought. Gandalf: I mean destroy it Boromir: Mordor is where it was made. There is evil there(Narrator snorring …) that does not sleep. It does actually… and it snores like hell. Can’t get any decent sleep. Ok let’s go … Kill em’ all. In the name of Good Night Sleep. Elrond: Somebody take care of this poor helpless guy. Shut him up for good! Narrator: Upon hearing that, Gimli stands up, picks up his axe and walks over to Boromir. Gimli: (lifting his axe above boromir’s head) aaaaahhhhh! Elrond: STOOOOOOP! What the f@ck do you think you are doing? You short hairy, pointles existing animal ? Gimli: You specifically said “take care of him” … so I took action. My moto is: “Less talk, more action”! Elrond: You wanna know my motto Gimli? It’s like this: “Shut your hole before I put you in one.” Narrator: Meanwhile Boromir was still rambling on: The most horrible stench imaginable; the very air you breathe is a poisonous mixture of the two. Legolas: Wow! Sounds like fun. Definitely the prettiest here! Gimli: NO! Don't give it to the elf! Elves are stupid pointy-eared pussies!! Never trust an elf!! Elves are the reason we have this stupid thing! Elves can't commit to a relationship because 'they're immortal and it just gets boring!!! Legolas: No one said they'd give me the Ring! And I thought we both agreed about that immortal thing! Narrator:The entire council breaks out into argument for a minute or two; finally Frodo speaks up… Frodo: I'll take it! Gondor men: Pawn it! Elrond: Shut up you stupid hobbit! Aragorn: Use it! Oh no! sorry I am the voice of reason here! Use it!- Darn! Frodo: I'm serious! I’ll go. Better than listening to you hippie-boy! Council bursting into a mad laughing status… Elrond turns to the council pissed – eveyone stops laughing & looking nervously with a nervous display of a fake grin. Elrond I guess no one else wants to do it. Council: Nope. Elrond: Sure kid, whatever. Frodo: Awesome! Elrond: You won't be sayin’ awesome when you turn out like old "uncle" Bilbo back there. Frodo: Cousin. Elrond: Whatever. Gandalf: Well it looks like we have no choice. I will come and make sure he's tall enough to throw it in. Plus … You’ll need an old guy! Boromir: I will come and try to change their minds and in case you need some interior conflict! Gimli: I am a dwarf! You’ll need my accent! Aragorn: I'm taking a shower! Council: YYAAAAYY!!! Aragorn: Frodo! You Have My Sword! Legolas: And I guess I'll come so I can be the most prettyful. Arwen: I wanna come!! Ary baby can I come too?! Aragorn: No. Arwen: Ugh! Why? Don't you LOVE ME?!?! Elrond: Arwen: there comes a time in every man's life where he needs to be in a fellowship with other people to destroy a weapon of mass destruction such as this ring, and those people need to be men, not women. Arwen: But why?!?! Elrond:....because it's in the books. Arwen:....WWWAAAAAHHHHH!! Elrond: Boring council. Good thing i got to say DOOM a few times with a very dramatic voice. <Exit Arwen, very hysterically. Sam, Merry, and Pippin pop out of the bushes.> Sam: Hey! We wanna come!! Pipin: eaaaaah! Not so sure about this – too gay for me! But sign me up… Merry: We’re hobbits Pipin – remember? Pipin: Oh yeah! Right! Count me in! Merry: Hey Frodo! you’ll need comic relief! Elrond: At least we’ll only lose one elf. a se continua dupa ce ma intorc din capitala ... now ENJOY! __________________ "Hollywood is like a 10 story cock f.ucking everything in it's path ... just like Madonna!"