Bored Of The Rings
 

Dupa mai multe luni de zile de scris, colaborari intense cu Lady Eowyn -am reushit sa facem putzin "mishto" de Lord Of The Rings. Multzi prieteni au ramas surprinshi la aflarea faptului ca mi-am calcat in picioare miracolul meu drag numit Lord Of The Rings cu toate personajele sale, dar eu m-am distrat de minune scriind aceste randuri.
Pe aceasta cale vrem sa-i multzumim shi Demonei pentru inspiratzie shi datorita faptului ca am folosit ceva din glumele shi materialele ei.

Anuntz Important: Aceasta relatare nu este 100% autentica. Asemanari shi "bucatzi" sunt asimilate.

Enjoy ...

Bored Of The Rings

Book 1
Part 1 -

THE BEGINNING OF THE FILM
A Long time ago in ago in a galaxy far, far away …
(Galadriel starts to speak when suddenly the Star Wars theme music starts: tam tam tam … ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta tam tam tam - nah na na)

Galadriel: Iamar prestar aen naton ne nen, han mathon ne chae…
CREW MEMBER 1: Hey, what the f*** is up with this shit?
SOUND GUY: Whoops, wrong tape. (Matrix theme comes on)
CREW MEMBER 2: Nope, try again.

Narrator: And then u think it starts but … and now we see the Sound Guy looking confused and worried. It is the right music, but it sounds icky.

CREW MEMBER 2: It sounds horrible! Who the hell would wanna listen to this shit ?
Pee Jay: Just play something God Daaaaamn It! Anything!

Pee Jay: Put that shit on … You’re fucking up my movie?
Narrator: jajajajaja! You’re sooo gentle!

Galadriel: (voicing over black screen) Iamar prestar aen naton ne nen, han mathon ne chae a han noston ned wilith!

Galadriel: It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, the most wise, the best looking, and the coolest of all beings. (shot of three Elves, two male and one female, standing in cool, wise, and/or beautiful poses) Nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, not so wise, okay looking, and definitely not as cool as the Elves (three men and one girl this time, obviously not ready for the camera). In the land of Mor…
GIMLI: (rough voice over, interrupting) You forgot the dwarves LADYEEEEE!

GALADRIEL: (looking disgusted) Seven to the Dwarf lords, the least wise, worst looking, and least coolest. In the land of Mor-
BILBO: What about the Hobbits?

GALADRIEL: (growls) And then there were the Hobbits. A naive, not-so-smart, “who ate my donut?!” race of nasty footed people, Curly-Sue haired beings. In the land of Mordor the Dark Lord Morron uh … Sauron… whatever! … forged in secret a master Ring, to control all others. One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne, in the land of MORDOR – cool pad – you should check it out,especially during the winter, where the Shadows lie and the pigs fly. . . and people can dress really weird, gay weird. (Black and white stock shots of people fighting not knowing what for.) There were some who resisted the Dark Lord.

SAURON rushes out … who that on my door? Punk ass elves and men disrupting my lunch … Nobody is welcome in heeeere!
Sauron: Eaaah What the hell! Welcome to Mordor Airlines… the finest Airline company in Middle-Earth… you gonn’ fly (next shot… people flying with Sauron’s axe, Elves are way to cool so they they aiight’ in this part).

SAURON: Hah! “I believe you can fly… I believe you can touch the Sky – Spread your wings and fly away… ”
(ISILDUR pops up and grabs the broken Narsil … cuts off the ring…)
ISILDUR: Hah!

DORKS… I mean ORCS: Hah! He took it – God Damn it! – we are gonna get an ass woopin’ from Master Morron
Galadriel: No dark master, no war, he withdraws his ass into the woods and...Blah Blah blah… Then a shit load of years passed until we have another 60 more to wait to finally get to our story, present day… whatever!

to be continued ... soon, very soon

da.....super faina!!!! (*) (*) (*) (*) (*)
felicitarile mele lui gaandalf, lady eowen, demonei, shi celorlalti care au contribuit la realizarea acestei parodii!!
abia astept continuarea.... :)
ps:faina faza cu porcul zburator!!
FELICITARI INCA O DATA!!!

Bored of the Rings... :( Ce o sa-tzi spun despre titlul asta o sa citeshti intr-un mail... In fine...oricum e doar parerea mea...

i like it , honestly ...

60 YEARS LATER . . .
The Long (and I mean looong¡Kthey didn¡¦t use to do that back in my hippie days. We used tyo kick it all day, everyday.) The Long Expected Party
(Bilbo Baggins stands on a barrel at his birthday)

BILBO: Today is my eleventy-first birthday! But eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such admirable hobbits . . . whoah, aaaARRGGGH! He puts on the ring ¡V which by the way ¡K he found it in Gollum¡¦s Cave ¡K and disappears
The Crowd: eeeeah! Bring Out the ale ¡V let the parteee goin¡¦!

Gandalf: Bilbo ¡V get your ass to Rivendell and wait for us there ¡V I got this big thing coming up ¡K gotta get ur nephew to go on this 13 mounths quest to destroy that stupid ass ring of yours!
Bilbo: No it¡¦s my prescioussss, I won¡¦t give it up, it¡¦s mine, it came to me!
Gandalf: God Damn it Bilbo you want me to get pissed and start shaking down the house and get all dark in here!
Bilbo: Ok! On my way!

Gandalf wants to take the ring but as he draws close to it he has a mental frame of a GIANT ASS VAGINA!
Gandalf: No thank you! I am one of the Istari ¡K I am 7000 years old¡K or 3000 ¡V who cares¡K I have knowledge and power ¡V I seek not such pleasures¡K

NARRATOR: Dude! Stop it ¡V You¡¦re GAY!
Gandalf: Ok! None can contempt with the will of the Narrator!

Narrator: Gandalf! Go tell Frodo where he has to go cuz we waistin¡¦ people¡¦s energy, time and nerves!
Gandalf to Frodo: You heard the man! Ah! By the way you can take fatty there with you to keep you company! And by company my dear Frodo you understand whatever you want.
Frodo: I will take him! Yes Yes!
Gandalf Storm Bow: My dear Frodo! Hobbits really are amazing creatures! You can learn everything there is to know about them in a mounth and after 100 years they can still surprize you! My fair , beautiful skinned and handsome Frodo!

Narrator: Meanwhile back in Mordor (Mount Doom, Baradur and a lot of CGI special effects that you can¡¦t even keep track of) we find that someone is pissed off. Sauron is standing in the background, looking extremely distressed.

ORC 1: What's the matter with him?
ORC 2: He's still upset over losing that damn Ring.
ORC 1: What? Is this guy for real ?... that was how long ago? Over 3000 years? (pause and the 2 orcs rolling over their eyes) He sure looks tense. I bet if you mentioned the Ring he'd jump 50 feet in the air.
ORC 2: walks up to Sauron and says: Ring.
SAURON: AHHH! (shoots up)
ORC 1: Sorry, I was wrong. Only 48 feet!
ORC 2: Dude! You need to lighten up! That¡¦s pretty pathetic!

(Shot of Gollum being tickled by three dorks. He screams in agony. "Stop tickling me! Please! Shire! Baggins! Chocolate cake! Oh, that feels good!" The nine Nazgul rush out, dressed all in black to pretend they¡¦re pretty cool¡K
SoundGuy puts on the Men In Black Movie Theme Song: ¡§Here come the men in black¡K¡¨
Galadriel: Nobody in this story is cooler than the elves!

Narrator: Bitch wait your turn!
Narrator: Due to some of the malfunctions the characters of Merry and Pippin¡¦ have been introduced directly into the story! ¡§You know to cut the story short¡¨ we think they¡¦re rather pathetic characters but that old dude Tolkien wrote em¡¦ and we can¡¦t shake ¡¥em off! ƒº
Narrator: all of a sudden we see Weird gay Al ¡K a.k.a Tom Bombadil.
Tom Bombadil: Helloooo Friends! Singing all the time..
Frodo: Got no time to waste around with you weirdo!
Narrator: Tom Bombadil disappears.


and we'll see you next week ...

Cred ca Demona se refera la faptul ca exista deja o parodie Bored of the Rings, carte iesita de mult timp in SUA, si deci ideea cu titlul nu e chiar atat de originala.
Deci? Cine s-a inspirat de unde? Sau e doar o coincidenta?...

In plus, cred ca ea ar fi trebuit postata in romana, la fel ca si parodia Matrix, cand a fost vremea ei...

Pura coincidentza a fost alegerea titlului. Titlul initzial a fost "Da ritarn ov da ching tu da tu tauers" ... dar a picat - ar fi trebuit sa asimilez toate cele 6 cartzi shi toate cele 3 filme ... shi nu aveam timp.

Shtiu ca ar fi trebuit sa fie postata in romana dar chestia este ca a fost scrisa in engleza pentru ca glumele in limba engleaza sunt mult mai numeroase shi comicul de limbaj este prezent peste tot. Nu ash fi putut face aceeashi chestie cu limba romana, nici in 1000 de ani. Shi inca un motiv ar fi ca a fost scrisa in limba engleza nu pentru a fi postata pe forum ci pentru distractzia mea shi ca sa vad cat de departe pot sa merg cu tot universul asta LOTR ... Daca se cere sa nu mai postez - nici o problema...

Presupun ca vreti parere sincera nu?

Prima parte mi se pare pretty lame... Insa a doua parte e considerabil mai buna! Mi-a placut in special faza cu Nazgulii si Men in Black...

Generally i like it...needs some work here and there but it's good...

Daca va credeti voi chiar asa de tari, de ce nu faceti si ceva original?

Vorbeai cu noi sau cu Gandalf & Lady Eowyin?

Mie overall mi-a placut.

Vorbeam cu Gaandalf si LadyEowyn. Si apropo BenNy, frumoasa semnatura ... imi place.

Bineintzeles ca itzi place, doar ai participat la ea...


Yep...asta e! Tzapa...Anyway, ashtept shi restul, deshi am citit-o deja...

Semnatura e luata din Legile lui Murphy... Da' nu mai stiu a cui lege era... Sau regula sau maxima sau ce mai era pe acolo... Promit sa caut si sa pun si asta in semnatura ca sa fie completa :)

Si ON-TOPIC: Demona tu ai participat la asta? Sau tu ai facut una separata? Sau cum> :shock:

Nu am participat la ea. Gaandalf mi-a spus dupa ce a scris-o ca a folosit shi unele idei de ale mele(nu e faza ca ma supar sau ceva de genu`), eu facusem alta separat, dar am distrus-o! No matter anyway...

DE CEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!?!?!?!
:(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :((

Ok :)

Are vreo importantza de ce? Asha am avut eu chef! :x

Eu de-asta n-am intrebat de ce :) Stiam ce-o sa raspunzi...

...amatorii astia :D

De unde shi pana unde ai tras tu concluzia ca eu ma cred tare ? Altceva mai original decat o parodie ar fi o continuare la poveste ceea ce nu voi face... Eu am facut asta pentru ca asta am simtzit ca vreau sa fac, sa scriu shi sa compun.
Daca tot te crezi tu asha de tare de ce nu scrii tu ceva original ? Fraza "I'm bored of these stupid ass rings!" am auzit-o peste tot - shi poate de asta am ales titlul acesta. You don' like it ? Du-te shi posteaza la "Loc de dat cu picioru" - e la Cafenea

am realizat un singur lucru akum ... la postarea acestei prime partzi din parodie : daca esti maniac LOTr - nu e bine, exagerezi ... vb despre LOTR toata ziua Ex: a deviat intr-un alt topic discutzia de la Harry Potter la LOtr iar Benny a sarit : "Iar vb despre LOTR ?" ..... dar daca faci mishto' de LOTR (scrii 22 de pagini in care parodiezi tot ce-tzi vine la mana)- ba nu e bine ca nu e destul de funny ... ba' chiar lame ...
DECIDE - ONCE AND FOR ALL! Which one is it ? :huh: Voi shtitzi ce vretzi ?

Yo zic sa continuati ca faceti o treaba buna pana acuma... Si stati pe aproape ca m arelansez eu pe aici cu parodia la revolutions... Chestia e sa mai gasesc topicul cu parodia la matrix si matrix reloaded.. pacat ca nu mai e noone ep aici, pacat ca nimeni nu a mai scris nimik pe el... Las ca-l revigorez eu... Doritorii de combinatii la katerink sa-mi dea pm! ;)

Am citit cam 1/4 din ea si m-am plictisit de moarte ... m-a luat somnul. Glumele nu-s bune deloc.

Criza numaru` 3 incomin`...`tui... :x

nu face bine la sanatate

Eu vreau sa fiu lasata in pace sa-mi postez parodia. Nu va place ? Bine ... Va place ? Iar Bine. Pentru cei care cauta cearta o mica dedicatie: D12

Bree, Weathertop, and the Flight to the Ford (3 in 1 very good offer)
(The hobbits reach Bree. They enter the Dancing Donkey. They go over to the bar and ask for Gandalf. Aragorn stands in the corner. The hobbits all order huge glasses of orange juice. Frodo gets knocked over by a guy. The Ring drops from his hand. Lying on the floor Frodo gives that guy the middle finger and without any notice the rings falls on his finger. Everybody disappears. Frodo looks confused. One man remains. Aragorn grabs Frodo and yanks him upstairs. He throws him on the floor).

ARAGORN: I have the ability to ignore people. But to make them disappear entirely? That is a rare gift! That is a dangerous power you possess.
FRODO: I carry nothing.
ARAGORN: Did I say u carry anything? You gave yourself away. (Sam and Pippin (finishing a muffin) run in. Aragorn jumps, then tries to look like he hadn’t been startled.)
SAM: If you hurt him I will run away and cry like a baby!
ARAGORN: You have plenty of fear, Master Hobbit. That will get you into plenty of trouble, and Nebraska. (Merry rushes in looking very frightened.)
FRODO: There you are!
SAM: Where have you been?
PIPPIN: What’s the matter?
MERRY: I was like, Whoah! And they were like: Whooooah…and then I was like, Whoah… (the other hobbits stare at him)
Pippin: Merry! You got mucus all over my shoulder man!
SAM: What?
ARAGORN: The Black Breath…
Everyone goes to bed. The Nazgul arrive and get a room at the Dancing Donkey. Upon seeing their room – they remain stiff. Only hobbit beds.
Nazgul 7: God damn it! Everything’s goin’ to hell! No ring, no stupid hobbit. Haven’t slept in days!
Nazgul 2: There There! Calm down! Have some candy!
Nazgul 7 : I DON’T WANNAAA!
All of a sudden the nazgul pulls out his sword and starts stabbing the pillows and destroying the room. The other nazgul do the same.
Witchking: What is it that you are doing ?
Nazgul 2: We thought he saw something!
Witchking: Shut up amd sattle up. We’re leaving! After this is all over I’m getting a vacation away from all you fuck-ups!



(Aragorn leads them out of Bree to Weathertop. There, a fight with Nazgûl 2, 5, and 7. Aragorn tosses paper at them. They whine and complain.
Nazgul 7: "Ow! A paper cut! I have pain!" and run off.
The Witch-King pops out and stabs Frodo with a Snickers chocolate bar. Frodo screams in pain. Aragorn chases the Witch-King away. He comes back to Frodo and the other hobbits. He picks up the wrapper and looks around for the rest of the Snickers. Merry licks some icing off his lip, and Pippin licks his fingers clean. Aragorn glares at them.)
Aragorn: That was a Morgul Snickers… finest chocolate in the land. Greedy ass hobbits!

ORTHANC, HOME OF THE SO OBVIOUSLY EVIL SARUMAN

GANDALF:I need your help.
SARUMAN:Blegh. I vant to suck your blood.
GANDALF:Despite your creepy demeanor, I’m going
to reveal some secrets.
SARUMAN:I work for Sauron.
GANDALF:You are the wisest of the Wise.
SARUMAN:I’m evil.
GANDALF:I trust you implicitly.
SARUMAN:I’ll make you break dance.
GANDALF:You ARE evil!
GANDALF and SARUMAN have a really silly looking fight.


Narrator: Cut to Arwen Poondomiel …
ARAGORN: Hi Arwen! What’s this? An Elf caught off her guard?
ARWEN: Very funny. – Stinky!
(back to Frodo - Arwen picks up Frodo and, carrying him on her shoulder, runs off. Glorfindel arrives heroically looking like a member from Justice League. Aragorn and the remaining hobbits stare at him.)
GLORFINDEL: What?
ARAGORN: You're late.
GLORFINDEL: What! Fuck noooo!
ARAGORN: She took Frodo.
GLORFINDEL: Not again… I was, like, really looking forward to saving the little Shiring dude. I ain’t gonna be in the theatrical version but now the Special Extended Edition too? (Aragorn pats him on the back sympathetically)

Peter Jackson: Off the set GLORFINDEL – no need for you anymore!
GLORFINDEL – But … But!

Narrator: Dude! Get off the set!
Narrator: “So passes Glorfindel son of … uh! Whatever!”
Narrator: the 1st chase of the story: Arwen with Frodo -stabbed- and The NINE chasing her!
Next scene : the Bruinen River - The Ringwraiths draw their swords (again soooo predictable). Armed with pieces of paper with swords drawn
on them the Ringwraiths start to cross the “river”)

Bruinen River

NAZGÛL 1: Give up the half-wit She-Elf!
ARWEN: (pauses) What will you give me for him?
NAZGÛL 1: Um...
Nazgul 7: I offer to give you a PHD!
Arwen: A what ?
Nazgul 7: A PRETTY HUGE DICK!
Arwen: Hold On to that thought. What else ?
(the Ringwraiths all put their heads together and pull out their wallets)
NAZGÛL 2: (to 5) Where's your wallet? (5 feels around his robe, looks in his robe etc...)
NAZGÛL 5: I left it in my other robe. (the other NAZGÛL groan at him, then go through their wallets)
Nazgul 6: Why the hell do I have to pay for nr 7 ?
Nazgul 7: blah blah blah!
NAZGÛL 3: We've got 15... no 18 New Zealand dollars.
ARWEN: What? 18 mizzly little dollars?
NAZGÛL 5: And a paper clip!
NAZGÛL 3: I gotta tootsie roll!
NAZGÛL 1: Shut up nr3 you’re embarrassing us! She doesn't want a paper clip or a tootsie roll!
NAZGÛL 5: Why not? It's one of those pretty multicolored ones...
NAZGÛL 9: Will you take a check?
GLORFINDEL: (calling from off screen) No! Don't take it! Their checks bounce!
Pee Jay: God Damn it Glorfindel! Get off the set! Security – get this asshole outta my sight!
Pee Jay: Now! One more time … with passion.
Narrator: 17 takes later we go on with the movie or story or whatever …
ARWEN: I'm handling this!
NAZGÛL 8: Here's another 3...
NAZGÛL 1: Okay, we've got, um... (counting on his fingers) 18, 19, 20... 21 dollars and 15 cents!
ARWEN: (shakes her head) There are some things money just can't buy.
NAZGÛL 7: And for everything else there's Master Card.
ARWEN: Sorry, I only take Visa.

Narrator: Wait and see what happens!

ARWEN: “Nino chitraeglir lastobeth daer, Rimmo nin Bruinen danin Ulaer!”
” Nino chitraeglir lastobeth daer, Rimmo nin Bruinen danin Ulaer!”

ARWEN: I said I was handling this!
Narrator: Super Extra Extended Edition footage … You didn’t get this from me ok? But the scene with the river and the horse waves is CGI…(duuuuh!) and there’s Elrond’s 1st scene where we find him with a FIRE DEPARTEMENT water hose and some sprinklers washing away THE “we got 21 dollars & 15 cents” NINE!
ARWEN: I said I was handling this! I RULLLL!

Narrator: You tell them girl!
ARWEN: Yeah! I’m tough, I kick ass, my dad is soo cool… cuz he’s an ELF MASTER – LEVEL 10, I’m beautiful and I AM WEARING NO LENGERIE (screaming out loud so Viggo could hear her!)

Narrator: We will be back soon after some stupid commercials …

it gets better...

ultima faza cu comercials e cam ca nuca-n perete da' las' ca merge.

oh remind me gandalf this: we have to talk :P

partea a 2a a fost cam penala, dar a 3a mi-a placut la nebunie... :lol:

:shock:

mai sunt shi alte parodii la tolkien : the sobbit

Sunt MII de parodii la LOTR si HP, MII. Nu toate publicate, dar sunt mai multe parodii decat poti tu citi.

Toate cele 3 partzy mi se par super-amuzante. Parodiile (in general) imy plak. Daka vretzy sa va amuzatzy ku o parodie numita la fel, dar diferita akcesatzy site-ul http://amethyst-angel.com/bored_of_the_rings.html

Felicitary autorilor. Atzy reushis sa ne facetzy sa radem :)

10x! Spre deosebire de tine altzii au zis k e jeg ... again 10x!
More 2 come!

Congratulations to Gaandalf and Lady Eowyn. You made me laugh, and you shouldn't care about what other peole think.

thank you galadriel! i :love: your signature!
Who cares ? I don't! Ma streseaza ca dau din gura degeaba si ca sa-si ocupe timpul cu ceva. Macar sa nu mai intre daca nu le place. Nu ?
Proiectul la The Two Towers este gata. Am facut cu gandalf un mic draft shi ramane sa termine cu examenul de soferi si mi-a promis ca ne apucam de treaba :w00t:

macar esti sincer. apreciez, mult!

Vreau sa vad si urmatoarea parte... :D cand apare?

Maine sau poimaine! Daca nu baga Lady Eowyin postez eu maine. O sa vb cu ea...

YUPEE!!!
Mie chiar imi place... si bat la pariu ca urmatoarele parti vor fi din ce in ce mai bune (dar si primele 3 au fost super :oops: )

cate parti mai aveti?....vreau sa stiu, asa ca sa ma pregatesc sufleteste... :happy:

Nu le-am impartit de la inceput. Am zis sa nu postam prea mult ca sa stati sa cititi mult. Cate putin, cate putin. Ultima oara avea 21 de pagini in WORD dar cred ca gandalf a mai adaugat cate ceva.

A slight preview la conflictul Arwen - The Nine, abea acum am gasit-o :

Eeny,Eeny Meeney, Miny Moe

Am citit din nou totul cap-coada si am incercat sa-mi formulez o parere pertinenta.

Ar trebui sa aiba o farama de poveste. Parca fiecare scena e luata din alta carte (in afara de punctul comun - numele). Legati scenele parodiate intre ele si o sa sune mult mai bine parodia. Nu prea imi place ca ati introdus Naratorul, si uneori sunt propozitiile mult prea scurte si prea multe. Folositi semnele de punctuatie pentru a sugera mai bine unele... stari sau exprimari. De exemplu aia cu "For anything else, there's Mastercard". Aia e o gluma buna - foarte potrivita aici - dupa parerea mea. Dar aici a sunat mult prea scurta. Eventual puteati sa scrieti ceva de genul "...for anything else there's... Mastercard!" sau nu stiu... Vedeti voi. Incercati totusi sa pastrati spiritul caracterelor, desi fac tampenii personajele, sa le faca in stilul Frodo, Sam, Gandalf (aici ati pastrat caracterul pentru ca este unul mai special) etc.

Consider ca parodia asta are potential si poate deveni ceva mai buna. Aparent creste. 2 a fost mai buna decat 1 si 3 mai buna decat 2. Tineti-o tot asa si poate cine stie... Ah, si altceva, lucrati la nume! Titlul e definitoriu! Chiar e! Gasiti un titlu bun!

A nu se face confuzie intre cele 3 partzi ale parodiei shi impartzirea acesteia in mai multe "partzi" pe forum ...
10x!

Vorbeam despre cele 3 parti pentru ca ati pus-o in 3 mesaje si asa mi-a fost la indemana... Inteleg ca e o singura parte.

Succes!

Part 2 - The Romantic Crap… uh Part
Rivendell
(Romantic music is playing. We can hear the Elves at a disco in the next room):
“Do the dance/
Make some love/
Get down tonight/
Get down tonight.”

Arwen: A si – Dhuath u-orthor …
Arwen: God Damn music! Let’s go in this magical multi-coloured place so we can DO IT!
Narrator : Suddenly Glorfindel pops out from the bushes dancing & drinking elvish rum.
Aragorn: Glorfindel?
Glorfindel: D.I.S.C.O, D.I.S.C.O, D.I.S.C.O!
Arwen: Is he drunk ?
Glorfindel: Hey Poondomiel! Elves are too cool to get drunk! We’re just happy when we drink elvish rum!
Aragorn: Happy ? what do you mean ?
Glorfindel: What do you want to understand … if you know what I mean ?
Aragorn: Yes, I do!
Aragorn: Honey! I’ll be back in 20 minutes
Arwen: Oh No! I’m getting’ laid and I’m getting now!
Narrator: Arwen nervously picks up Glorfindel and throws him into the Bruinen River and drowns.”So passes Glorfindel – a poor unfortunate actor who didn’t make it to Hollywood!”

Arwen: A si I-Dhuath u-orthor, Aragorn. U or le a u or nin! Reinich I lui mae govannen?
ELROND: What is the meaning of this?
ARAGORN: Uh... uh... I was uh... helping her zip her dress. (Arwen groans)

Pee Jay: CUUUUUUUUUT! No zippers guys…. Common’ there were no zippers in this story! Now Common’ with more feeling this time!
ELROND: He was what?!
ARWEN: What he meant to say was he was helping me find... my necklace.
ELROND: You lost the Evenstar? Isn’t that kick you in the crotch , spit on your neck fantastic?
ARWEN: No...
ELROND: He has it in his hand.
ARWEN: Oh! Why thank you ever so much, Aragorn. I'm uh... I have to go.
(Quickly exits. Aragorn laughs nervously, slightly showing his teeth as EYEBROWS – that’s ELROND, looks at him with the same look he gave MR. Anderson!)
ELROND: I am here to give you the most important things of all: PURPOSE. You have to accept your heritage and become that stupid king already, and take a bath while you’re at it.
Aragorn: Why ?
Elrond: You dare ask that question?
Aragorn: Well yes!
Elrond: Because of you all my fair animals have fled Rivendell. Some never made it … but few got out and the word is out there’s this man in Rivendell who’s killing fellow animals on sight.
Aragorn: Who is he?
Elrond: Dumb ass! It’s you, you dufus! You’ve ruined the reputation of my cool never before seen magical land.
Aragorn quickly flees to the water fall!

LEGOLAS and UNIMPORTANT ELVES arrive
GIMLI and UNIMPORTANT DWARVES arrive.
BOROMIR and THE OLD GUYS OF GONDOR, equally unimportant, arrive.
BOROMIR studies the picture of SAURON. Then, BOROMIR disrespects the SWORD-THAT-WAS-BROKEN that others obviously revere.
BOROMIR: There, I think that establishes some tension between Aragorn and myself.

ARWEN: Don’t let him get to you honey. Let’s have a romantic moment.
<everyone on the set starts pucking their guts out> :sick: :sick: :sick: 20 minutes later everone on the set is good 2 goo but the narrator is still throwing up. Finally an hour later the wheels are back in motion …

Elrond & Gandalf talking …
Gandalf: Now what ?
ELROND: Now we will have a flashback to explain why I look so pissed off all the time.
Narrator: The FLASHBACK of the FLASHBACK of the FLASHBACK starts again, this time from ELROND’S point of view. ISILDUR refuses to give up THE RING. Again.
Narrator: That’s new information … duuuh!

THE OVERBLOWN ELF CITY OF RIVENDELL, or village -
Inside THE NOT-SO-SECRET COUNCIL OF ELROND

Frodo: Gandalf! What happened! Why didn’t you meet us ?
Gandalf: well! …
Narrator: Embarassing & long dialogue between the coolest of wizzards…
Gandalf: If only he had imprisoned me at the top of a high tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not prevent a giant eagle from rescuing me, instead of a huge, deep dungeon underground. … Oh wait!

Aragorn talking to Gandalf: Wait wait wait, let me get this straight: You talked to a moth to tell an eagle to come find you? You speak MOTH, you catch a ride on one of the BIG-ASS EAGLES ACROSS MIDDLE-EARTH ?
Aragorn: I don't think I'm in the right movie Dude! …

The Council : SSSHHHHHHHHHH!
Elrond: This Frodo kid is bugging me with his eyes… Hey! Stop starring at the ring like that… eyes up here! Focus!
Elrond patiently losing his grip! Kid FOCUS! CONCENTRATE! 2 mounths of “concentration camp” won’t hurt …
Frodo: WHAT? Take that back!
Elrond: Dude! Chill! What did I say?
Narrator: Elrond! God Damn it! You’re so stupid! Elijah here is a jew, and he don’t take well jokes with World War 2 Auschwitz similar concentration camps… Apologize!
Elrond: Ok! Ok! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!
Frodo: Yes, you did!
Elrond: No, I didn’t … Oh what the hell! I did! Carry on now …
Narrator: Quieeeeeet! (lightning and thunder special effects in the backround to point out that the NARRATOR is pissed off!)
Gimli: Here let me make a fool of myself by trying to smash the Ring!!...ouch.
Elrond: Oh yeah I forgot: We can't get rid of it unless we take it to the place Sauron made it.
Elrond: So guys! Who wants to die ?
Gandalf: OK let's do that.
Elrond: You wanna die??
Gandalf: Hell no!
Elrond: That's what I thought.
Gandalf: I mean destroy it
Boromir: Mordor is where it was made. There is evil there(Narrator snorring …) that does not sleep. It does actually… and it snores like hell. Can’t get any decent sleep. Ok let’s go … Kill em’ all. In the name of Good Night Sleep.
Elrond: Somebody take care of this poor helpless guy. Shut him up for good!

Narrator: Upon hearing that, Gimli stands up, picks up his axe and walks over to Boromir.
Gimli: (lifting his axe above boromir’s head) aaaaahhhhh!
Elrond: STOOOOOOP! What the f@ck do you think you are doing? You short hairy, pointles existing animal ?
Gimli: You specifically said “take care of him” … so I took action. My moto is: “Less talk, more action”!
Elrond: You wanna know my motto Gimli? It’s like this:
“Shut your hole before I put you in one.”
Narrator: Meanwhile Boromir was still rambling on: The most horrible stench imaginable; the very air you breathe is a poisonous mixture of the two.

Legolas: Wow! Sounds like fun. Definitely the prettiest here!
Gimli: NO! Don't give it to the elf! Elves are stupid pointy-eared pussies!! Never trust an elf!! Elves are the reason we have this stupid thing! Elves can't commit to a relationship because 'they're immortal and it just gets boring!!!
Legolas: No one said they'd give me the Ring! And I thought we both agreed about that immortal thing!

Narrator:The entire council breaks out into argument for a minute or two; finally Frodo speaks up…
Frodo: I'll take it!
Gondor men: Pawn it!
Elrond: Shut up you stupid hobbit!
Aragorn: Use it! Oh no! sorry I am the voice of reason here! Use it!- Darn!
Frodo: I'm serious! I’ll go. Better than listening to you hippie-boy!
Council bursting into a mad laughing status…
Elrond turns to the council pissed – eveyone stops laughing & looking nervously with a nervous display of a fake grin.
Elrond I guess no one else wants to do it.
Council: Nope.
Elrond: Sure kid, whatever.
Frodo: Awesome!
Elrond: You won't be sayin’ awesome when you turn out like old "uncle" Bilbo back there.
Frodo: Cousin.
Elrond: Whatever.

Gandalf: Well it looks like we have no choice. I will come and make sure he's tall enough to throw it in. Plus … You’ll need an old guy!
Boromir: I will come and try to change their minds and in case you need some interior conflict!
Gimli: I am a dwarf! You’ll need my accent!
Aragorn: I'm taking a shower!
Council: YYAAAAYY!!!
Aragorn: Frodo! You Have My Sword!
Legolas: And I guess I'll come so I can be the most prettyful.
Arwen: I wanna come!! Ary baby can I come too?!
Aragorn: No.
Arwen: Ugh! Why? Don't you LOVE ME?!?!
Elrond: Arwen: there comes a time in every man's life where he needs to be in a fellowship with other people to destroy a weapon of mass destruction such as this ring, and those people need to be men, not women.
Arwen: But why?!?!
Elrond:....because it's in the books.
Arwen:....WWWAAAAAHHHHH!!
Elrond: Boring council. Good thing i got to say DOOM a few times with a very dramatic voice.

<Exit Arwen, very hysterically. Sam, Merry, and Pippin pop out of the bushes.>
Sam: Hey! We wanna come!!
Pipin: eaaaaah! Not so sure about this – too gay for me! But sign me up…
Merry: We’re hobbits Pipin – remember?
Pipin: Oh yeah! Right! Count me in!
Merry: Hey Frodo! you’ll need comic relief!
Elrond: At least we’ll only lose one elf.

a se continua dupa ce ma intorc din capitala ... :D now ENJOY!

Thank you! And may be ENJOY what the hell! :P
Sorry dk de data asta e prea lunga "particica" dar s-ar putea sa lipsesc mai mult so ....

Wow! Mishto, chiar f mishto.