Die Barricadessen
- or -
The Cheater Sits Yo-There


On the Anchylosed Octopussies Street, at 0,81(555)-B number, sat the Bratza sisters, that they were called Vasile, the big one, and Typhoonoff, the little one - mean, they didn't was twin.
Ago, they had been young, but now still, cause they put on their face cream (Vasile), and creamed their face (Typhoonoff), that they pro-cured from the associated barrelworkman Quakeropoll, and for that was nuts 'bout them the child of this Quakeropoll here, that he was called Prickwall MacAcCuntant, but his fiancée, who was senile, always called him Churchillovitch (as for "Churchill", not as for "Church Hill") - mean, she made confusion.
But yet however for Vasile and Typhoonoff it wasn't ainted allrighty.
Vasile and Typhoonoff both of them adored pure and simplystically from all their soul Rulu, that he used to write, and the world called him Missippip (literary pseudonymbus) - mean, we'll call him alternatively Rulu and Missippip.
And be-cause they two both of 'em so much cared to Rulu, to reconcilliate both the goat and the cabbage (wanna say, also Vasile and Typhoonoff), they went late by night chez Rulu and climbed into his bed, that that bed couldn't support two persons, which was too bad - mean, Rulu had a beard.
Halt, cause a problem arose.
Typhonooff was impotent so, when she climbed for the first time into Missippip's bed to stroke him she suffered a stroke in front of Missippip's, that he was a virgin - mean, Typhoonoff died.
Vasile over-extremely rejoyced herself that her competitor succumbed - who was just her deceased sista - and gave even a tea party of satisfucktion - mean, Vasile was perphizzdious.
And Rulu, with tears of envy in his ears, decided to suicide himself by burnery on stake, and to be arrestated by the police, he castrated a person that their name was Rooseveltesky - mean, one don't know what turned out, cause Rooseveltesky was quite the senile fiancée of Prickwall MacAcCuntant.
In consequence, Vasile she was caught-up by remorsures, and as such for that she gave up Missippip to Prickwall MacAcCuntant, that he had started to goob the upholstery off the armchairs in his daddy's store, being pissoffenced cause there didn't ainted nobody no more at all to call him Churchillovitch (as for "Churchill", not as for "Church Hill") - mean, Rooseveltesky, the castration effectuated by Missippip made her lose her speech gift.
Prickwall MacAcCuntant, abysmally annoyed, went to Rulu and shouted at him in the phone: "You, Rulu-you you, on what basis did thee based thouself to emasculate my fiancée mine, cause I couldn't fall asleep by night if not hearing her warn me: 'Churchillovitch (as for 'Churchill', not as for 'Church Hill'), sweetie, don't you snore!' You, you,, you,,, asshole!" And he sent to Rulu a prick from a prickwall, that thrown being prick from the prickwall thus perforating the glasspane to Rulu - mean, Prickwall MacAcCuntant auto-self-sent a component of himself own to Rulu.
But since because Vasile still loved Missippip, herself went to the clinic to a convalescent Rooseveltesky, an consolated this one, and then this one Rooseveltesky, amusated like hell, suggested: "Gee Vasile, but let's gonna go have a deal and make a plot, as a joke, to Churchillovitch (as for 'Churchill', not as for 'Church Hill')”, that Vasile accepted with enthusiastic enthusiasmation this suggeration - mean, Rooseveltesky, the castration effectuated by Missippip maden't her lose her speech gift.
And that same next day after Typhoonoff died, Vasile shrewdly went to Quakeropoll, and asked if he had prophylactics, that said she that she needed them to ornate her kettle - mean, Quakeropoll thought that Vasile is a liar, but yet he still gave to her prophylactics, that thought he that she needed them to patch-up her handkertchieves - mean, Vasile met hardnesses in implementing the plan.
However, the deal of the plot between Vasile and the castrated Rooseveltesky didn't obtained no big deal as a result, cause because Prickwall MacAcCuntant, revengefull and full of revenge by his Mother Nature, murderised Rulu with a machete, that he subtillely sneaked that machete from his faddah's store since October - mean, Rulu didn't was alive anymore.
And Vasile cried after Missippip, with oh so very many tears and even much more oh how very many sobs, that her sobs awoke to reality Quakeropol - mean, so they two themselves married themselves (they had their wedding).
But for not to miss Typhoonoff dead and Rulu dead, Prickwall MacAcCuntant, remorsed by the commited assasination, stuffed Rulu, and the corpse he dressed on the inside with Typhoonoof's skin, that he skinned her adead - mean, he proceeded sadistically.
And Missippip, dead 'n' stuffed, dressed interiorely with the skin of Typhoonoff, dead 'n' skinned, was given as a present to the couple constituted by Quakeropoll and Vasile (but they called her name was still Bratza), that their couple here proeminently positioned him in the store, in a proeminent position, as décor - mean, on Thursdays days they came to Rulu to see 'im.

GAGHE LA CORROMPUE

- aka -

THE SECRET OF LE MARQUIS CURAKE

(a very obscene novel)


Characters:

Gaghe La Corrompue
Critza Schyzophrenes
Schopenhauer Vomitatu
Konopides Kapabilu
Le Marquis Curake
Pluhmah
Count Jupiter Receptoru

plus:

Vasile Bratza
Quakeropoll
(husband and wife)
Rooseveltesky
Prickwall MacAcCuntant
(man and wife)


Motto:
Through eons, over impotent bridges,
The mobilités infect is...!
But no one, in world entire, never nowhere didn't
Have interfacial galoshes
More fiercely than the pointy-tufty
Technician...!
...!



Word fore:

Gaghe la Corrompue is valiant and heroic. But this is not enough. Nuthin in the world is a more forever-eternal problem than the horrifying anegdotes whose synthesis is compounded by the very obscene novel see here. In its lines you will learn the key of the terrible enigma of Gaghe's sex, you will discover the secret of Le Marquis Curake, and why is infect the mobilités.



Gaghe la Corrompue

aka

The Secret of Le Marquis Curake

-!- a very obscene novel -!-

Now then, course you readeth the piece of master "Die Barricadessen", aka "The Cheater Sits Yo-There", at which’s finnish (as for "terminnation", not as for "Finlanndese") Madame Vasile Bratza marries Mister Quakeropoll - cause Rulu aka Missippip was dead. And then... them two departed into a wedding voyage together with the couple Churchillovitch-Rooseveltesky, the MacAcCuntant spouses. Now then, fierce a lot mishaps mishappened to them four in their honey trip, but most of any in the cafeteria "Six Fractured Gutworms", where they adjourned.
And then... them as soon as entered frapped them the décor's perversity, cause in the walls all and ceiling entire was stuck mobilités which had their phillament broken, so they was looking tragically. And, on a pedestal tailored from very-very juicy hamstrigs, sang and hopped solemnly as if driven by the devils the pholk music group "Critza Schyzophrenes", cause they were employed by the cafeteria owneressman, Gaghe, who one didn't know if he was a gurl of a boy, cause he was corrupted once by a dude that one didn't know if he was obsessed sexually, or homo (again sexually), so one drew the sorts with by tossing the coin (not a "coin-coin" as the duck says), and it turned out that him dude was obsessed, so then in consequence Gaghe is a gurl, cause the coin (not a "coin-coin" as the duck says) was tricky, intentionally that for to turn our that Gaghe is a gurl, that for to be able to marry with her Le Marquis Curake - cause Le Marquis Curake was in love and loved Gaghe, and was dying dead of pissoffing that he's a boy and they couldn't togetherize, so he arranged the intrigue with the obsessed one and the coin (not a "coin-coin" as the duck says), that for to turn out that Gaghe is a gurl and be able to take 'er.
Now then, saith Gaghe la Corrompue towards the newcomers:
"Kissy-kissy, handsome kiddies!"
And then... replayeth Quakeropoll addressing Gaghe la Corrompue:
"Attagurl, comrade, us we are hungry!"
"Why, stay kewl!" jumped Gaghe and, worrisomely over-extremely excited, flapped her wingies to the kitchen from were came she with four plates nicely overflowing of cookies with aggressed ballbearings (as for "aggressory") cause this was the specialty of the house.
And then... the "Critza Schyzophrenes" group dedicated to the newcomers a music song entitled "Comrade Marquis don't f**k with the people!" cause Critza Schyzophrenes had revolutionarized himself against Le Marquis, who had a bunch of assholes pro-created by his own self, his galfriend Pluhmah and her lover, Count Jupiter Receptoru.
Now then, Gaghe la Corrompue, spitefully bawling, related to the young and freshly married spouses that is our friends the intrigue conceived by the assholes bunch of Le Marquis, that precisely that evening was to come and propose to Gaghe, so as such Vasile with ‘er hubby and Rooseveltesky with ‘er hubby slammed their fist on the table and nervouselly yelled that they doesn't admit such crap.
And then... entered into the cafeteria the lodger of Gaghe la Corrompue, that his name was Konopides Kapabilu and he was sober very much. He said:
"Bonsoir to everybody!"
And, perseverrently, sat down at a table, deepening himself into a nostalgic contemplation of the mobilités that, stuck into the walls all, was infect, as for this Gaghe la Corrompue informed our pals:
"He's v. v. fruitcake"
Now then, Quakeropoll asked Critza Schyzophrenes to sing again an itty bitty the exorbitant chanson of his, but the megastar communicated to him that he didn't feel like momentarily, cause he was indisposated by the torturing pain of his employer, Gaghe.
And then... came strange noises from outside, and they all were convinced that cometh the bunch of c*nts of Le Marquis Curake, and so it was, cause Le Marquis Curake penetrated amused into the cafeteria in nightie and arrestated Gaghe la Corrompue, under the offensated looks of the "Critza Schyzophrenes" group, but Le Marquis detained the political leadershit, so that the people in the cafeteria didn't dare to protest.
Now then, Gaghe la Corrompue taken being, Vasile suggested hotly and hornily:
"Yo bros, but let's not us let our chum in those infects' claws!" so that they all, in a one and single unison like one, soulfully cheered:
"Yeah they shoulda get a life!"
And then... Konopides Kapabilu incited the masses to fight with his phrase full up to the over-ears with ardor and sobriety:
"Boo Le stinking Marquis!!!" and gee how revolted were at that moment the ones in the cafeteria "Six Fracturated Gutworms"! Oh!
Now then, not after too late, the guys becalmed, but themselves, being over possibelly upset by the happened fact, didn't remark that Konopides Kapabilu had one eye bigger, fact that stuck in the eye, so then, they all, none of them was perspi-cacious.
And then... a road-weary voyager made irruption and interruption, interrupting and irrupting them; this one was Mister Schopenhauer Vomitatu, who totally unacquainted, made their acquaintance glad to acquaint them, unacquainting the situation, cause himself didn't know absolutely at all that all of them being chagrined they didn't quite feel engladdeningly, but that's it folks no choice.
Now then, it's right that none would have suspected if Mister Schopenhauer Vomitatu ai or ain't a bastard, but he, after listening with a lot of very much attention, that Prickwall MacAcCuntant exposed to him the deployed drama, proved how intelligent is he, raising a fantastically serious problem, from all points of view, without expection: that for to make the intrigue, Le Marquis Curake needed an accomplice, and that accomplice actuallimently is founded among them in the cookyteria, so then they is not all good boys cause one of them is inherently a criminal!
And then... all the suspicions felled over Konopides Kapabilu, who Schopenhauer Vomitatu, well-read man, immediatementally remarked that he had one bigger eye, fact that stuck in the eye, so Konopides Kapabilu is suspicious, and they all began to insult him.
Now then, confidentially speaking, Schopenhauer Vomitatu was a well-read man, and more than that inbeatable, incorruptible, invincible, indestructible, incombatable, indivisible, impenetrable, insaissisable, but a sissy, cause he proved to all his sissiness by the fact that he didn't insult even atinyfractionally Konopides Kapabilu.
And then... nobody passed through his or her or its brains that what could be happening at home chez Le Marquis, cause they caught in the turmoil of facts, didn't insighted at all the unnaccuntable fact that at home chez lui, Le Marquis is raping Gaghe, and they two both of them run after each other around Pluhmah's boudoir, who plays South-American solitaire (Pluhmah, not the boudoir) with the Count Jupiter Receptoru, and Pluhmah is cheating, taking advantage of the fact that the Count is not at all concentrated over playing, cause because next to them happens obscene feats, he permanently checks his watch, cause the day after tomorrow he has a fitting at his couturier, and today it's evening time so it's close to the end.
Now then, Pluhmah extracted the aces' full house from her brassière and beat the Count at the game with the hope that he'll cry of hurt pride, and indeedly, the Count Jupiter Receptoru spilled many tears of sadness that he got a whupping, but Pluhmah kissed his front left knee and he was oki again.
And then... the whole country was engulfed into a wave of pain: Konopides Kapabilu, offenced that he is slanderingly suspected of crime, killed himself sorrowfully, pulling over his head the butterflies net of Gaghe la Corrompue, forgotten in the events’ and political turmoil hang over an infect mobilité; and Konopides Kapabilu didn't live anymore, albeit Rooseveltesky, who in her naughty youth had been a life-saver, deposed all the rooseveltmanely-possbile efforts to rescue him, back from deads, and to be able to exercitate her former profession she threw him in the toilet, from where a bit later she drew him out with a life-belt.
Now then Pluhmah, who being ashamed to walk nudie wore however a bathing suit, no matter the obscenity of the environment, appointed herself to the cafeteria to errand two baggies of mobilités of those infect, but takes me notice that the public detested her, cause the people in the cafeteria drove her away with boos, so Pluhmah refuged at the arm of Count Jupiter Receptoru, who came in a hurry to rescue her from the turbulents' paws, so they two both regrouped at home chez Le Marquis.
And then... Schopenhauer Vomitatu sent Quakeropoll into a war mission, and Quakeropoll, after an enormous quantity of thrilling adventures, arrived to bring back to those in the cafeteria a trophy, that that trophy was nothing else but the contract agreed between Le Marquis Curake and the spy hidden among them, who is inherently a creminal.
Now then, they all and any ogled interestedly the interestingly rag, which carried the words here: "SO WE AGREED, COMRADE MARQUIS?" and underneath, with the bottom up, was written the signature: "CRITZA SCHYZOPHRENES", and they all felt in their subconscious that the key of the mystery lied inside the characters masterfully painted yo-there!
And then.... Schopenhauer Vomitatu announced:
"Comrades, me knows who is the culprit! He's that one who addresses Le Marquis avec 'comrade Marquis'! Wonder, the title of the chanson 'Comrade Marquis, don't f**k with the people!' doesn't ring any bell to you?" at what those in the cafeteria in a single voice was of an accord:
"YES!"
Now then, this wasn't a sufficient proof, so Schopenhauer Vomitatu erected a new accunt of accusation against the defendant:
"There is a man. He has an ill: he can't write the interrogation point but upsidedown!!! So, to write it, he turns the sheet downsideup!!!!! So this happened also here in our case you see and know: the signatorial of the letter turned the sheeet aroundy to put the interrogation point, but forgot to reverse the shiiiit back, so the signature turned up upsidedown! And of this illness is made guilty of having it righty this perfidious and sadistic mockingbird: CRITZA SCHYZOPHRENES!!! and those in the cafeteria were of an accord!
And then... him the one so humiliatingmentally accused, protested with an counter-argument as devastating as the mud volcanoes in Buzau neighborhood, cause he screamed over Schopenhauer Vomitatu, screaming him with scream:
"DUDDY! But for the assassin make two such unpermissible errors, he must have to be been evidently an individual very as sissy as possy-BLY!" and those in the cafeteria was of an accord!
Now then, Schopenhauer Vomitatu didn't grasp where lead Critza Schyzophrenes and then, in consequence, he commended favorably the so subtle reasoning of this one, and to gether with the others, he also was of an accord!
And then... Critza Schyzophrenes launched the century's bomb:
"DUDDY! Ain't it so that thou arest the only one of us who's a sissy? Why is clear and limpid that thee arest the killer!" and those in the cafeteria was of an accord!
Now then, horrended that he was exposed, Schopenhauer Vomitatu followed the egzample of his tragic predecessor, uncle Konopides Kapabilu, and drew over his head the butterflies net, and died, and Rooseveltesky didn't save him, and those in the cafeteria were of an accord!
And then... Vasile it returned to her memory that how Gaghe la Corrompue is in the infect claws (even infecter than the mobilités) of the perverse rascals from the Le Marquis Curake's bunch, and she proposed with pain of vengeance in her voice:
"My dear lil’ buzzers, come in a hurry at home chez Le Marquis, cause this bittery comedy can't go like this for long!" and those in the cafeteria was of an accord!
Not thew, our avengeful chummies quickly rose to the revolution, but Le Marquis' stinky bunch (even stinkier than Le Marquis) looked at then by far how they was comin', with the electronical benoculars, and sniffing the peril, with fright in their tummies hit the road, abandoning Gaghe la Corrompue!
And then... Gaghe le Corrompu made his great act of heroism! Cause he was sturdy, cause he had been as a child a champion at pulldraws! And, running with a great speed not uniformly accelerated and with initial velocity (cause he self-kicked his bottom to auto-augment the impulse), Gaghe (in a way cunning very) le Corrompu came to overpass in running the negative ones!!!
Now then, Gaghe le Corrompu, running very uninterruptedly, surrounded two times those scared bad guys, after which he cried to them with all the pulmonary-vocal intensity that his lungs were apt to liberate:
"You are surrounded!"
And then... the felons, disappointed and disoppinionated, delivered themselves to justice, who couldn't wait to have them, in a private propety, and those in the cafeteria were of an accord!
Now then, it's right that Gaghe le Corrompu didn't sit idle whole the time while made futile attempts to rape him Le hypocrite Marquis Curake but, evidencing that he is the most perspi-cacious of all odars, he came to pierce Le Marquis' secret.
And then... they all learned that The Marquis Curake was named Curake as a pet name for Mercurius, and Mercurius, cause because he was born in a Mercredi, aka Mercoledi, in Italian (Miercole, in Spanish, Miercuri, in Romanian, in English Wednesday, ofcourse)...!
Now then, there still was a mistery to untie at the middle, meanin absolutelymentally none possessed the vaguest idea why was the mobilités infect.
And then... insighted Quakeropoll:
"But of korrs that the mobilités is infect! The mobilités is infect for they was confiscated by Gaghe il Corrupto confiscatered them from at home at Il Marquis, that there is there an environment and ambient so stinking and optscene, and for that the mobilités is infect!
Now then... over.


...Have interfacial galoshes
More fiercely than the pointy-tufty
Technician...!
...!


Lo Zîvîrshi

CINE A STRICAT PÂRÂITOAREA?

- tragedie dramaticã de groazã foarte solemnã ºi filozofficã -
+ în 3 (trei) acte +


Distribuþia:

Florica Preoteasa................. Preoteasa Florica
Dinu Drãghici..................... Drãghici Dinu
Elena Ciobotaru................... Ciobotaru Elena
Ioan Opran........................ Opran Ioan
Ioan Gaºpar....................... Gaºpar Ioan




ACTUL ÎNTÂI
Tabloul I
Scena 1

La ridicarea cortinei, scena reprezintã o camerã mobilatã în felul urmãtor: în mijloc, o masã extensibilã; la stânga ºi la dreapta, douã canapele Rococo, una cu husã cãcãnie cu picãþele maro, cealaltã cu husã maro cu siluete de piticoþi cãcãnii; în fund, o draperie cenuºie, înnodatã la mijloc; în faþa ei, un lampadar cu trei abajururi tricolore; deasupra, un tablou imens, reprezentându-l pe Drãghici, cãlare pe un mãgar, cu un castron în cap; sub el scrie: "Dinuluþeluºu la armatã".
Pe masã, într-o pijama vizibil fãcutã dintr-un steag, Preoteasa stã aºezatã cu bãrbia rezematã în mâna stângã, cu degetul arãtãtor de la mâna dreaptã lovindu-ºi ritmic fruntea. Pe canapeaua din dreapta, Drãghici, în cãmaºã de noapte, legat la cap cu un ºtergar, stã în picioare, drept, nemiºcat, ca o statuie. Lângã el stã aºezatã turceºte Ciobotaru, într-o salopetã din acelaºi material cu husa canapelei (deci, se confundã); þine în poalã un þucal pe care-l ciocãneºte regulat cu degetul mic de la mâna stângã. Dincolo de masã, Opran, numai în maiou, stã pe oliþã, cu un mãr muºcat în mânã. Pe canapeaua din stânga stã culcat pe burtã Gaºpar, în frac, cu fundul în sus, jobenul pe buca stângã ºi bãrbia proptitã în palma dreaptã; din cinci în cinci secunde scoate limba la Preoteasa. Toþi privesc în Neant.
PREOTEASA (fascinatã): - Cine a stricat pârâitoarea?
TOÞI (extaziaþi): - Oooooooo!
Cortina coboarã lent asupra tabloului.


ACTUL DOI
TABLOUL II
Scena 2

Acelaºi decor, toþi sunt pe locurile lor, numai jobenul lui Gaºpar s-a mutat pe buca dreaptã.
OPRAN (potrivindu-se mai bine pe oliþã): - Cine a stricat pârâitoarea?
TOÞI (ºi mai extaziaþi): - Ooooooooooooooooooo!
Cortina cade brusc asupra tabloului.


ACTUL TREI
TABLOUL III
Scena 3

Se aprind toate reflectoarele.
Scena e pustie.
Merge Ciobotaru. De sus îi cade Drãghici în cap, o datã cu cortina.
O VOCE DIN SALÃ: - Ei...!!!
Apare un crainic sobru ºi diliu care spune:
CRAINICUL SOBRU ªI DILIU: - Morala: cine râde la urmã, cade el întâi în ea!


Cortina.
Pe ea scrie:
THE KONEC

(1974)

La 14 ani erai un Pitbull in toata regula. Ce-ai facut in restul anilor? :)
Puteai sa-l pui fara an si credeam ca l-ai scris acum.
Mult Daniil Harms vad aici, dar de unde pe atunci Harms?

WHO BROKE DOWN THE SCREECHMAKER?

- a dramatic horror tragedy very solemn and philozoffical -
+ in 3 (three) acts +



Cast of characters:


Florica Preoteasa................. Preoteasa Florica
Dinu Drãghici..................... Drãghici Dinu
Elena Ciobotaru................... Ciobotaru Elena
Ioan Opran........................ Opran Ioan
Ioan Gaºpar....................... Gaºpar Ioan



FIRST ACT
Tableau I
Scene 1

The curtain raises over a room furnished as follows: center stage, an extensible table; left and right, two Rococo sofas, one with a shit-colored cover with brown polka-dots, the other with a brown cover with shit-colored dwarves silhouettes; in the back, a gray drape, knotted in the middle; before it, a standing lamp with three tricolor lampshades; above it, an immense picture representing Drãghici, astride a mule, with a bowl over his head; underneath it's written: "Dinuluþeluºu in the Army".
On the table, wearing pyjamas visibly made from a flag, is seated Preoteasa, with her chin resting in the left hand and the right hand index hitting rhythmically her brow. On the right-side sofa, Drãghici, in night-gown, stands up, unmoving, as a statue. Next to him sits down Ciobotaru, cross-legged, wearing an overall made of the same fabric as the sofa cover (so, becoming lost in the scenery); she holds in her lap a night-pot that she knocks regularly with the pinky of her left hand. Behind the table, Opran, wearing only a maillot, sits down on the potty, with a bitten apple in his hand. On the left-side sofa lays Gaºpar, belly-down, with his ass pointing upwards, wearing tails and the top hat on his left buttock; he keeps his chin propped in the right palm; at each five seconds, he pulls his tongue at Preoteasa. All stare in the Deep Void.
PREOTEASA (fascinated): - Who broke down the screechmaker?
ALL (ecstasiated): - Ooooooh!
The curtain descends slowly over the tableau.



SECOND ACT
TABLEAU II
Scene 2

The same set, all on the same places, only Ga[par's top hat moved over his right buttock.
OPRAN (shifting his position on the potty): - Who broke down the screechmaker?
ALL (even more ecstasiated): - Ooooooooooooooooooh!
The curtain drops abruptly over the tableau.



THIRD ACT
TABLEAU III
Scene 3

All the floodlights are turned on.
The stage is deserted.
Ciobotaru walks. From the attic, Drãghici falls onto her head, together with the curtain.
A VOICE FROM THE AUDIENCE: - Hey...!!!
Appears a sober and nutty speaker who announces:
THE SOBER AND NUTTY SPEAKER: - Morals: the one who laughs in the end, will fall the first one into it.

Curtain. It's wearing the inscription: THE KONEC

asta ma distreaza cel mai tare. :D :D :D

Erau:

Florica Preoteasa = profa de geografie dintr-a VII-a, de la 174.
Dinu Drãghici = vecinul de la parter, medic cardiolog, isteric, care ne alunga cu religiozitate cä-i fãceam gãlãgie sub ferestre (m-a ºi troznit de douä ori)
Elena Ciobotaru = directoarea ºcolii 174
Ioan Opran = profu' de fizicã dintr-a VII-a
Ioan Gaºpar = administratorul de bloc

So: De unde citisesi Daniil Harms?
E vizibil influentata de el, imi aminteste de "Un spectacol ratat" si alte piesute de-ale lui. Mai degraba decat de Ionescu sau Beckett.

Päi cam de nicäirea...
Mä influentau trei surse: onirismul lui Dumitru Tepeneag (descoperit la 12 ani), absurdul lui Kafka (descoperit la 14 ani), si o anume Mia Macavei, prietenä din copilärie a maicä-mii, care se distra la fel. Pe Ionescu si Urmuz i-am descoperit dupä 1-2 ani, urmati apoi de Beckett...

Acum ce facem, punem si "Cäpäcelul din Q-vetä" (sau O, zei!"), sau nu-l punem?

pai sa punem capacelul, ca altfel se risipeste apa si e pacat. Copiii aia din Somalia, saracii...

Căpăcelul din Q-vetă

- sau -

O, zei!!!

!- Capodoperă -!

Personajele:

Rupea = un nene tăcut, modest, timid, retras, etc.
Cofe = un tovarăş secretar B.O.B., cu ochi şi gheare de vultur.
Ţaţo = un tovarăş bibliotecar de serviciu
Muje = gardianul de noapte


ACTUL I

Scena 1:
Muje, Cofe, Ţaţo
Decor: un stâlp

Noapte. Cer senin. Lună goală. Lipseşte carul mare. Rezemat de stâlp doarme Muje. Din dreapta apare Ţaţo, cu un pachet de cărţi. Priveşte pe furiş. De după stâlp apare Cofe.
COFE: - Tovarăşe Ţaţo, te-am prins!
ŢAŢO: - Tovarăşe Cofe, eşti fraier!
COFE: - Păi da' de ce?
ŢAŢO: - De unde vrei să ştiu eu?
COFE: - Da??? Ca să vezi! Zău că n-aş fi crezut!
ŢAŢO: - Ce să-i faci? Viaţa e plină de surprize!
MUJE: - Ho!
ŢAŢO şi COFE (surprinşi): - Hââî?!
MUJE: - Bre!
COFE: - Brrrrrrr!!!!!!!
ŢAŢO: - Pssssssstttttt!
MUJE: - Cozondrac! (Se ridică şi îi împuşcă.)
Ţaţo şi Cofe cad pe jos, primul pe spate, cu cracii-n sus, ţeapăn, rămânând aşa. Al doilea, tot ţeapăn, rămâne sprijinit de stâlp. Muje se caţără pe stâlp, ajutându-se şi de Cofe înţepenit, şi strigă cu disperare.
MUJE: - Aaaaardeeeee!!!!!!!


Scena 2:
Aceiaşi, Rupea.

Acelaşi decor, ziua. Cofe şi Ţaţo sunt în aceeaşi ipostază, Muje se tot împuşcă, cade, se ridică, iar se împuşcă, iar cade, iar se ridică, iar se împuşcă, iar cade, iar se ridică, iar se împuşcă, iar cade, iar se ridică. Din stânga intră Rupea, mergând în genunchi, şi pe cap are un basc roz cu găurele portocalii.
RUPEA: - Ho, Muje, nu te sinomorî!
MUJE (consternat): - Păi Rupea!
RUPEA (arătându-i pe cei doi): - Ce-i cu ăştia?
MUJE: - Nu te interesează!
ŢAŢO (agitându-şi picioarele, isteric, insistent şi plângăreţ): - Ba da!!!
RUPEA: - Bă Muje, tu eşti prost?
MUJE: Prost!!!...


ACTUL II
Scena 1:
Rupea, Cofe, Muje

După-amiază. Un eşafod cu spânzurători. Cu ştreangul pus de gât, Rupea, Cofe şi Muje stau de vorbă, gata să se spânzure.
RUPEA: - Offffffff!!!
COFE: - Uhhhhhhhhh!!!
MUJE: - Vă pap!!!!!!!
RUPEA: - Eiiiiiiii!!!
COFE: - Ufffffffff!!!
MUJE: - Vă pap!!!!!!!
RUPEA: - Pssssssss!!!
COFE: - Brrrrrrrrr!!!
MUJE: - Vă pap!!!!!!!
RUPEA: - OFofOFofOF!!
COFE (cască): - Ahhh!
MUJE (latră).


Scena 2
Ţaţo (monolog)

ŢAŢO (singur): -
Rupea a murit! Eu am murit! Atunci... Care a rămas?
Muje a murit! Eu am murit! Atunci... Care a rămas?
Ţaţo a murit! Eu am murit! Atunci... Care a rămas?
Rupea a murit! Eu am murit! Atunci... Care a rămas?
Muje a murit! Eu am murit! Atunci... Care a rămas?
Ţaţo a murit! Eu am murit! Atunci... Care a rămas?
Rupea a murit! Eu am murit! Atunci... ... ?... ...


Scena finală
Tot personalul piesei
Decor: o scară

Rupea şi Cofe se bat teribil şi înfiorător de crud.
COFE: - Te spun că furi din avutul statului!
RUPEA: - Taci, o, tu!....
COFE: - Te spun că furi din avutul statului!
RUPEA: - Taci, o, tu!....
Intră, braţ la braţ, Ţaţo şi Muje. Ţaţo, când vede bătaia, moare, iar Muje se suie pe o scară şi pe scară rămâne.

Cortina.

The Little-Cap from the Q-vette

- or –

Oh, Gods!!!

!- Masterpiece -!

Cast of characters:
Rupea = a guy who's silent, modest, shy, retained, etc.
Cofe = a comrade party cell secretary, with eagle eyes and claws.
Tzatzo = a comrade librarian on duty
Muje = the night warden

ACT I

Scene 1:
Muje, Cofe, Tzatzo
Set: a pole

Night. Clear sky. Empty moon. Ursa Major is missing. Resting next to the pole, Muje is sleeping. From the right side enters Tzatzo, with a bunch of books. He looks furtively. From behind the pole appears Cofe.
COFE: - Comeade Tzatzo, gotcha!
TZATZO: - Comrade Cofe, you are a sissy!
COFE: - Gee why?
TZATZO: - How could I know?
COFE: - Yeaaah? See that! Swear I wouldn't have believed!
TZATZO: - What can one do? Life is full of surprises!
MUJE: - Ho!
TZATZO and COFE (surprised): - Huuuhh?!
MUJE: - You!
COFE: - Brrrrrrr!!!!!!!
TZATZO: - Pssssssstttttt!
MUJE: - Connnncha! (He stands up and shoots them.)
Tzatzo and Cofe fall down, the first one on his back, with his legs upwards, stiff, remaining so. The second one, stiff also, remains propped to the pole. Muje climbs over the pole, using also the stiff Cofe for footholds, and desperately shouts.
MUJE: - Church on fiiiiiiireeeeeeee!!!!!!


Scene 2:
The same, Rupea.

Same set, by day. Cofe and Tzatzo are in the same posture, Muje keeps shooting himself, he falls down, he stands up, he shoots himself again, falls down again, stands up again, he shoots himself again, falls down again, stands up again, he shoots himself again, falls down again, stands up again. By left-stage enters Rupea, crawling on his knees, and wearing a basque beret with orange little holes.
RUPEA: - Halt, Muje, don't suikill!
MUJE (consternated): - But, Rupea!
RUPEA [i](pointing to the others two): [/i - What 'bout them?
MUJE: - None of your business!
TZATZO (waving his legs, hysterically, insistently and plaintively): - Yes ittizzz!!!
RUPEA: - Say, Muje, are you stupid, man?
MUJE: - Stupid!!!...


ACT II
Scene 1:
Rupea, Cofe, Muje

Afternoon. A scaffold with gallows. With the nooses around their necks, Rupea, Cofe and Muje have a chat, ready to hang themselves.
RUPEA: - Offffffff!!!
COFE: - Uhhhhhhhhh!!!
MUJE: - Goob ya!!!!!!
RUPEA: - Eiiiiiiii!!!
COFE: - Ufffffffff!!!
MUJE: - Goob ya!!!!!!
RUPEA: - Pssssssss!!!
COFE: - Brrrrrrrrr!!!
MUJE: - Goob ya!!!!!!
RUPEA (sighs): - OHohOHohOH!!
COFE (yawns): - Ahhh!
MUJE (barks).


Scene 2
Tzatzo (monologue)

TZATZO (alone): -
Rupea is dead! Me is dead! Then... who's still around?
Muje is dead! Me is dead! Then... who's still around?
Tzatzo is dead! Me is dead! Then... who's still around?
Rupea is dead! Me is dead! Then... who's still around?
Muje is dead! Me is dead! Then... who's still around?
Tzatzo is dead! Me is dead! Then... who's still around?
Rupea is dead! Me is dead! Then... ... ?... ...


Grand finale
All the play's personnel
Décor: a ladder

Rupea and Cofe are wrestling terribly and frighteningly cruel.
COFE: - I'll report you for stealing from the state's wealth!
RUPEA: - Shut up, oh, thee!....
COFE: - I'll report you for stealing from the state's wealth!
RUPEA: - Shut up, oh, thee!....
Enter, arm in arm, Tzatzo and Muje. Tzatzo, when seeing the fight, dies, while Muje climbs a ladder and on the ladder he stays.

Curtain.

Uite, Daniil Harms

Patru ilustraþii ale faptului cã o idee nouã îl zãpãceºte pe omul nepregãtit pentru ea.
ACTUL I

SCRIITORUL: Sunt scriitor!
CITITORUL: Iar dupã pãrerea mea eºti un cãcat!

(Scriitorul stã câtva timp, cutremurat de aceastã idee nouã, ºi cade mort. E scos afarã )

ACTUL II

PICTORUL: Sunt pictor!
MUNCITORUL: Iar dupã pãrerea mea eºti un cãcat!

(Pictorul ca varul alb s-a fãcut la faþã
ªi ca un fir de stuf s-a clãtinat,
Subit ºi sufletul ºi-a dat.
E scos afarã)

ACTUL III

COMPOZITORUL: Sunt compozitor!
VANEA RUBLIOV: Iar dupã pãrerea mea eºti un cãcat!

(Compozitorul, respirând greu, se prãbuºeºte. Este scos pe neaºteptate afarã)

ACTUL IV

CHIMISTUL: Sunt chimist!
FIZICIANUL: Iar dupã pãrerea mea eºti un cãcat!

(Chimistul nu mai scoate o vorbã ºi se prãbuºeºte greoi la pãmânt)

CORTINA

13 aprilie 1933

Avagardist, de bunä seamä...
...dar deloc absurd! E 100% rational!

Se vede cä n-a citit "Pe urmele monstrului cu patru buci"! :hmm:

Probabil ca nu, ca era mort deja saracul. Dar rational nu.

Puskin si Gogol

GOGOL (cade din culise în scenã ºi zace cuminte).
PUªKIN (iese, se împiedicâ de Gogol ºi cade): Drace! De Gogol m-oi fi împiedicat!
GOGOL (ridicîndu-se): Ce porcãrie! Nu te lasã sã te odihneºti! (Merge, se împiedicã de Puºkin ºi cade) Nu cumva m-oi fi împiedicat de Puºkin!
PUªKIN (ridicîndu-se): N-are omul parte de nici o clipã de liniºte ! (Merge, se împiedicã de Gogol ºi cade) Drace ! Te pomeneºti cã iar am dat peste Gogol!
GOGOL (ridicîndu-se): Veºnic se iveºte cîte o piedicã! (Merge, se poticneºte de Puºkin ºi cade) Ce porcãrie ! lar Puºkin!
PUªKIN (ridicîndu-se): Asta-i golãnie! Golãnie curatã! (Merge, se împiedicã de Gogol ºi cade) Drace ! lar Gogol!
GOGOL (ridicîndu-se): Asta-i curatã bãtaie de joc! (Merge, se împiedicã de Puºkin ºi cade) lar m-am poticnit de Puºkin!
PUªKIN (ridicîndu-se): Ei drãcie ! Chiar cã ºi-a bãgat dracul coada! (Merge, se împiedicã de Gogol ºi cade) Am dat peste Gogol!
GOGOL (ridicîndu-se): Porcãrie! (Merge, se împiedicã de Puºkin ºi cade) Puºkin !
PUªKIN (ridicîndu-se): Drace! (Merge, se împiedicã de Gogol ºi cade). E Gogol!
GOGOL (ridicîndu-se): Porcãrie ! (lese in culise.)
Din afara scenei se aude vocea lui GOGOL: „De Puºkin m-am împiedicat!"
CORTINA

inca un Daniil Harms si gata

Dragã Nicandr Andreevici,
am primit scrisoarea ta ºi am înþeles imediat cã e de la tine. La început m-am gîndit cã poate nu-i de la tine, dar, cum numai am desfãcut-o, imediat am înþeles cã-i de la tine, ba s-ar putea sã nu fie de la tine, m-am gîndit. Mã bucur cã te-ai cãsãtorit deja, fiindcã atunci cînd omul se cãsãtoreºte cu cine a vrut sã se cãsãtoreascã înseamnã cã el ºi-a îndeplinit dorinþa. Ieri am primit scrisoarea ta ºi m-am gîndit deodatã cã aceastã scrisoare e de la tine, apoi m-am gîndit însã cã, se pare, nu e de la tine, dar am deschis-o ºi vãd cã sigur e de la tine. Foarte bine ai fãcut cã mi-ai scris. La început nu scriai, apoi însã deodatã mi-ai scris, deºi ºi mai înainte, mai înainte de perioada cînd nu-mi scriai, - tot îmi scriai. Eu imediat, cînd am primit scrisoarea ta, imediat am hotãrît cã-i de la tine, ºi, apoi, sînt foarte bucuros cã tu deja te-ai însurat. Cãci, dacã omul a vrut sã se însoare, atunci el, orice s-ar întîmpla, trebuie sã se însoare. Din aceastã cauzã sînt foarte bucuros cã în sfîrºit te-ai cãsãtorit anume cu cine vroiai sã te cãsãtoreºti. ªi ai fãcut foarte bine cã mi-ai scris. Eu m-am bucurat foarte tare - cum am vãzut scrisoarea ta - ºi m-am gîndit imediat cã ea e de la tine. E adevãrat cã, în timp ce-o deschideam, mi-a fulgerat în minte cã ea nu e de la tine, dar pe urmã, totuºi, am hotãrît cã e de la tine. Mulþumesc cã mi-ai scris. Mulþumesc frumos pentru asta ºi-s foarte bucuros pentru tine. Tu poate cã nu înþelegi de ce sînt atît de bucuros pentru tine, dar am sã-þi spun imediat: eu sînt bucuros pentru tine fiindcã, fiindcã te-ai însurat, ºi anume - te-ai însurat cu cine vroiai. Iar asta, ºtii, e foarte bine sã te însori anume cu cine vrei sã te însori, fiindcã anume atunci obþii ceea ce þi-ai dorit. Anume din cauza asta sînt atît de bucuros pentru tine. ªi, de asemenea, sînt bucuros pentru cã tu mi-ai scris scrisoare. Eu încã de departe am hotãrît cã scrisoarea e de la tine, dar cum am luat-o în mîini m-am gîndit: dar dacã nu e de la tine? Apoi mã gîndesc: ba nu, fireºte cã e de la tine. Deschid scrisoarea ºi în timpul ãsta mã gîndesc: e de la tine sau nu-i de la tine? De la tine-i sau nu-i de la tine? Ei, dar cum am desfãcut-o am ºi vãzut cã-i de la tine. M-am bucurat foarte tare ºi am hotãrît sã-þi scriu ºi eu o scrisoare. Despre multe trebuie sã-þi spun, dar pur ºi simplu nu e timp. În orice caz, e bine cã mi-ai scris scrisoare. Acum ºtiu cã tu deja demult te-ai cãsãtorit. Eu ºi din scrisorile precedente ºtiam cã te-ai cãsãtorit, dar acum din nou vãd: absolut adevãrat, te-ai cãsãtorit. ªi eu sînt foarte bucuros cã te-ai cãsãtorit ºi mi-ai scris scrisoare. Eu îndatã ce-am vãzut scrisoarea ta, am ºi hotãrît cã iarãºi te-ai cãsãtorit. Ei, mã gîndesc, asta e bine, cã iarãºi te-ai cãsãtorit ºi mi-ai scris scrisoare despre asta. Acum scrie-mi cum e noua ta nevastã ºi cum s-a întîmplat. Transmite-i salutãri noii tale neveste.

pentru cine vrea mai multe:
http://agonia.ro/index.php/author/0003466/index.html

Incä un fost-viitor Pitbull, si (aproape) gata:

PE URMELE MONSTRULUI CU PATRU BUCI

Piesă de teatru absurd


Personajele:

Sopi (de la "Esop")
Pompiliu zis "Piliu"
Petra
Curci
Coca
Mimi
Maţe
Şupi (citeşte "Showpeyy")

şi:

Un pornoman
Un înjunghiat între glezne
Poporeni
Ceva lume de calitate



ACTUL I
Scena 1
Curci, Petra, apoi Sopi (de la "Esop")

La ridicarea cortinei, scena reprezintă o staţie de troleibuz.
Călare pe tăblia staţiei, Curci priveşte în zare, cu mâna pusă streaşină sub nas. Vine Petra, crăcănată.
PETRA: - Vine?
CURCI (uitându-se chiorâş): - Nu vine!
Petra îşi redresează cracii, scârţâind ca o uşă unsă cu spirt medicinal. Se opreşte o motocicletă fără motor, fără roţi, fără ghidon, fără rezervorul de benzină, fără ghidon, fără şa, fără far, fără cadru, fără frână şi fără ochi de mâţă. De pe ea coboară Sopi (de la "Esop").
SOPI (DE LA "ESOP"): Sărumâna-borş-aveţi?
PETRA: - Numai la buchete.
SOPI (DE LA "ESOP"): - Dar asta e şarlatanie!!!


Scena 2
Aceiaşi, Coca.

Acelaşi decor. Curci e tot acolo, Petra e din nou crăcănată, Sopi (de la "Esop") îşi sărută gâtul cu pasiune. Prin dreapta intră Coca. Coca e îmbrăcat în felul următor: poartă o pereche de nădragi de eschimos, de culoarea telefoanelor portugheze, un maiou fără bretele, cu franjuri în dreptul diafragmei şi guler "Mary Stuart". E chel pe stânga. Ţine în mână două suspensoare jumate. Îl vede pe Curci şi-i dă în cap lui Sopi (de la "Esop") cu un suspensor jumate, Sopi (de la "Esop") încremeneşte, Petra începe să se redreseze, Coca îl ia pe Sopi (de la "Esop") în braţe, Petra îşi continuă redresarea, Coca îl reazemă pe Sopi (de la "Esop") de stâlp, Petra a trecut de jumătatea redresării, Coca se caţără pe stâlp, ajutându-se şi de Sopi (de la "Esop"), Petra e aproape redresată, Coca îi agaţă de ureche lui Curci suspensorul rămas, Petra îşi termină redresarea, Coca sare jos şi pleacă spre stânga, mergând în pas adăugat cu spatele spre public, Petra s-a redresat. Cine a fost atent a putut constata câă a scârţâit ca o fereastră unsă cu gaz metan.


Scena 3
Aceiaşi, fără Curci, apoi Şupi (citeşte "Showpeyy"), Mimi şi Maţe.
Decor: o sită.

Stând de-a-n-curulea, Sopi (de la "Esop") plânge în hohote. Petra vine, iar crăcănată.
PETRA (tandră): - De ce plângi, Sopi (de la "Esop") mamă?
SOPI (DE LA "ESOP") (îi spune la ureche).
PETRA (redresându-se - scârţâie ca un scaun descleiat - izbucneşte şi ea în plâns).
Intră Şupi (citeşte "Showpeyy"), în hainele lui Coca.
ŞUPI (CITEŞTE "SHOWPEYY") (drăgălaş): - De ce plângi, Petra tată?
PETRA (îi spune la ureche).
ŞUPI (CITEŞTE "SHOWPEYY") (ascultă, dând din cap vesel şi aprobator, pentru ca, la sfârşitul relatării, să izbucnească şi el în plâns).
Mimi şi Maţe intră prin fund-stânga, braţ la braţ, având piciorul dinspre interior băgat în aceeaşi pereche de nădragi.
MIMI (dulce): - De ce plângeţi...
MAŢE (acru): - ...copii?
ŞUPI (CITEŞTE "SHOWPEYY") (le spune la ureche, printre sughiţuri, amândurora).
Mimi şi Maţe fac pe ei instantaneu.

- Sfârşitul primului act –




ACTUL II

Scena 1
Scenă de masă

În mijocul scenei, o masă. Pe ea, în chiloţi şi maiou, joacă şotron Pompiliu zis "Piliu".
ÎNJUNGHIATUL ÎNTRE GLEZNE (intră prin faţă): - Ce-ai, mă?!?
POMPILIU ZIS "PILIU" (în timpul unui salt lung): - Boala lu' Calache!!!
ÎNJUNGHIATUL ÎNTRE GLEZNE (neştiutor): - Ce-aia?


Scena 2
Un pornoman, un înjunghiat între glezne, poporeni.

În mijlocul scenei, de unul singur, se duelează un pornoman care ţine în mâna stângă o revistă "Playboy" fără coperţi şi fără pagini, iar în mâna dreaptă o revistă "Lui" fără pagini şi fără coperţi. Asistă un grup de poporeni. Intră înjunghiatul între glezne. Înjunghiatul între glezne îl trage de un picior pe Coca, inert.
PORNOMANUL: - E mort?
ÎNJUNGHIATUL ÎNTRE GLEZNE: - Nu, e viu.
PORNOMANUL: - E leşinat?
ÎNJUNGHIATUL ÎNTRE GLEZNE: - Nu, e treaz.
PORNOMANUL: - E bolnav?
ÎNJUNGHIATUL ÎNTRE GLEZNE: - Nu, e sănătos.
PORNOMANUL: - E rănit?
ÎNJUNGHIATUL ÎNTRE GLEZNE: - Nu, e teafăr.
PORNOMANUL: - E paralizat?
ÎNJUNGHIATUL ÎNTRE GLEZNE: - Nu, e mişcăcios.
PORNOMANUL: - E om?
ÎNJUNGHIATUL ÎNTRE GLEZNE: - Nu, e manechin.


Scena 3
Sopi (de la "Esop"), Petra, Şupi (citeşte "Showpeyy"), Mimi, Maţe, Curci, ceva lume de calitate.

O serată cu lume de calitate. Sopi (de la "Esop") conversează cu Mimi, Petra e din nou crăcănată, joacă bâza-autobâza cu Şupi (citeşte "Showpeyy"), Curci îl priveşte pe Maţe cu mult extaz / şi vânăt la culoare / ca un furtun de aragaz / decolorat la soare.
O PERSOANĂ DE CALITATE (către Petra): - De ce plângea atuncea Sopi (de la "Esop")?
PETRA (redresându-se fără a scârţâi): - Filmul "Baba cu chiloţi de tablă" fusese respins de cenzură!

- Cortina -

Sfârşitul Actului II şi al pesii.

FOLLOW THE TRAIL OF THE FOUR-BUTTOCKED MONSTER

- or –

THE TINKNICKERS

Absurd Theater Play


Cast of Characters:

Sopi (as for "Aesopus")
Pompiliu aka "Piliu"
Petra
Mimi
Coca
Turkey-Hans
Turkey-Hens
ªupi (read "Showpeyy")

and:

A pornoman
A stabbed between his ankles
Folks
Some quality crowd



ACT I
Scene 1
Mimi, Petra, then Sopi (as for "Aesopus")

The curtain raises over a scene representing a trolleybus stop. Astride the bus-stop sign, Mimi scans the horizon, shading his nose with his hand. Petra comes, bandy-legged.
PETRA: - Coming?
MIMI (glaring sideways): - Nope coming!
Petra redresses her bandy-legs, screeching like a door lubricated with medicinal spirtus. Stops a motorbike that’s engineless, wheelsless, handlesless, tankless, seatless, lightless, frameless, breakless and kittieeyeless. From it comes down Sopi (as for "Aesopus").
SOPI (as for "Aesopus"): Hi-dyahave-brotsch?
PETRA: - Only in bunches.
SOPI (as for "Aesopus"): - What a crookjob!!!


Scene 2
The same, Coca.

Same set. Mimi is still there, Petra is again bandy-legged, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") kisses his own throat passionately. From the right side enters Coca. Coca is equipped as follows: he wears a pear of Eskimo slacks in the color of Portuguese phone-sets, a maillot without shoulder-straps, with strings over the diaphragm and "Mary Stuart" collar. He's bald on the left side. In his hand he holds two balls-suspenders and a half. He sees Mimi and he hits in his had Sopi (as for "Aesopus") with a balls-suspender and a half, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") stiffens, Petra starts redressing, Coca takes Sopi (as for "Aesopus") in his arms, Petra continues redressing, Coca props Sopi (as for "Aesopus") next to the pole, Petra passed over the mid-redressing, Coca climbs on the pole, using Sopi (as for "Aesopus") as footholds, Petra is almost redressed, Coca hangs on Mimi' ear the remaining balls-suspender, Petra finishes her redressing, Coca jumps down and leaves to the left, walking sideways with his back to the audience, Petra is redressed. Who listened attentively could remark that she creaked like a window oiled with methane gas.


Scene 3
The same, minus Mimi, then ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), Turkey-Hans and Turkey-Hens.
Décor: a sieve.

Sitting down asswise, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") cries buckets. Petra comes, bandy-legged again.
PETRA (tenderly): - Why are you crying, Sopi (as for "Aesopus") my love?
SOPI (as for "Aesopus") (whispers at her ear).
PETRA (redressing - she creaks like an unglued chair - also bursts in tears).
Enters ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), wearing Coca's clothes.
ªUPI (READ "SHOWPEYY") (cutely): - Why are you crying, Petra my sex?
PETRA (whispers at her ear).
ªUPI (READ "SHOWPEYY") (listens, nodding happily and approvingly, only to also burst in tears at the end of the report).
Turkey-Hans and Turkey-Hens enters by back-left, arm in arm, each having the inner leg in the same pair of pants.
TURKEY-HANS (sweetly): - Why are you crying...
TURKEY-HENS (bitterly): - ...kids?
ªUPI (CITEªTE "SHOWPEYY") (whispers, between sobs, to both of their outer ears).
Turkey-Hans and Turkey-Hens wet themselves instantly.

- End of First Act-




ACT II

Scene 1
Mass scene

Center-stage, a holy-mass table. On it, wearing only his underwear, plays snooker Pompiliu aka "Piliu".
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES (entering front-stage): - Whaddya up-to?!?
POMPILIU ZIS "PILIU" (during a long jump): - Nutty-up, buttercup!
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES (unknowingly): - Wozzat?


Scene 2
A pornoman, the stabbed between his ankles, folks.

Middle-stage, all alone, is dueling a pornoman that holds in his left hand a "Playboy" magazine without covers and without pages, and in his right hand a "Penthouse" magazine without pages and without covers. A group of folks are assisting. Enters the stabbed between his ankles. The stabbed between his ankles drags by a foot Coca, limp.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he dead?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, alive he is.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he unconscious?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, awoke he is.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he ill?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, healthy he is.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he wounded?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, intact he is.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he paralysed?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, movable he is.
THE PORNOMAN: - Is he human?
THE STABBED BETWEEN HIS ANKLES: - Nope, a dummy he is.


Scene 3
Sopi (as for "Aesopus"), Petra, ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), Turkey-Hans, Turkey-Hens, Mimi, some quality crowd.

A soirée with quality crowd. Sopi (as for "Aesopus") makes conversation with Turkey-Hans, Petra is bandy-legged once again, she plays buzz-autobuzz with ªupi (read "Showpeyy"), Mimi stares at Turkey-Hens in bliss and hype / and purple is his color / as of a cooking-machine pipe / decolored by squallor.
A QUALITY PERSON (to Petra): - Why was crying then Sopi (as for "Aesopus")?
PETRA (redressing without creaking): - The censorship had rejected the movie "The Crone Wore Tin Knickers"!

- Curtain -

End of Act II and of the play

(1975; translated 2005)

misto.
aici se simt mai mult urmuz si ionescu.