christi
22 Dec 2003, 11:16
Answer the following questions and find out if you are indeed a fat cunt or
not.
1. Describe your appearance.
a) Tall and slim with fair hair and good posture.
b) Average height with a stocky build and short, dark hair.
c) Like a fucking beached whale you fat twat. With your baggy clothes that resemble lycra and hair stuck to your fucking head and stretch marks all over you, fat cunt.
2. A question for men. How big is your dick?
a) Small, you'd rather not say the exact measurement.
b) Long, about 8"or 9", roughly.
c) Fuck knows. You haven't seen it since you were 12. It's been hiding under your gut for 20 years you fat shit. It might be fucking huge but you'll never know because it looks so fucking small under your hanging bastard stomach.
3. Now for the ladies. How much do your tits droop?
a) About 1" below the point at which they join your torso.
b) They don't.
c) So fucking much it looks like you've got a second pair of knees you saggy titted fucking wench.
4. When you go to the beach for a day out, what's your main concern?
a) Getting sunburned.
b) Walking on something sharp or disgusting.
c) Harpoons.
5. Which of the following makes you break into a sweat?
a) Energetic sports.
b) Aerobics.
c) Eating, you fat fuck!
6. What do you have for breakfast?
a) A full english breakfast.
b) A bowl of cereal.
c) A loaf of bread, toasted, a bowl of cereal (washing up bowl that is), 18
eggs, 2lb of sausages, 4lb of bacon and a saucpan of baked beans. Washed down by 3litres of coke and a box of cream cakes.
7. What do you eat for lunch and dinner?
a) A snack for lunch and a healthy meal at tea-time.
b) A salad for lunch and a 3 course meal in the evening.
c) All the pies, you fucking hippo!
8. You have just lost 2 stone in weight, why is this?
a) You've been on a crash diet.
b) You were very ill and couldn't eat properly for a couple of months.
c) You've just been for a shit.
9. What's your favourite type of fish?
a) Cod, chip shop style.
b) Smoked salmon.
c) The bloater, you bastardised fucking fat bastard bloater!
10. When you go on holiday, which section do you book your seat in?
a) First class.
b) Standard class.
c) Cargo class. You get tied to a cage in the fucking cargo hold after being shot with a tranquiliser dart. You fat bastard, you can't afford 2 seats and 5 meals, while the captain can't take a chance on you moving from one side of the plane to another for fear of bringing the cunting plane down you sweaty twat!
11. When did you last have sex?
a) In the last couple of weeks.
b) In the last couple of months.
c) 1985 you fat cunt. Just before you ballooned in weight to resemble a
fucking council tip you fat greasy shite! Fuck off and lose some weight.
12. What do you use to wash your hair?
a) Timotei.
b) Head and Shoulders.
c) Vegetable oil. Why the fuck do all you fat bastards have greasy fucking hair you could cook chips in, eh? Is it some sort of pre-requisite of being a fat slovenely hunk of spunk? Is it that you can't afford shampoo after you've been around the rest of Tescos before you get to the Health and Beauty section so you recycle whatever's fucking nearest? Come on fatty, fucking tell me!!!
13. What do you eat your dinner off?
a) A bone china dinner service.
b) A cheap Argos dinner set given to you as a wedding present.
c) The fucking frying pan. Dirty lazy bastard.
14. You go down to the local sports centre for a swim. What happens?
a) You pop in, do a few lengths and then use the sauna.
b) You spend an hour or so in the pool and then go to the showers.
c) You jump in the pool and flood the fucking place, closing it for a month. Not because of the flooding but because they had to remove the roof to get your fat bastard lard ass out of the fucking pool you heffer!
15. What can normally be found behind your ear at work?
a) A biro.
b) A cigarette.
c) A chocolate eclair.
16. You've just eaten a 14" deep pan, stuffed crust pizza with extra toppings
and garlic bread. How do you feel?
a) Stuffed to the max.
b) Sick as a pig.
c) Ready for the second starter.
17. What anti-perspirant do you use?
a) Lynx roll-on.
b) Brut.
c) Gillette BO, you stinking fat twat!
18. What are you wearing right now?
a) Smart clothes.
b) Jeans and a t-shirt.
c) a 2-man tent from Millets.
19. What's yopur favourite clothing colour?
a) Blue.
b) Red.
c) Black, that'll hide your 25 stone hulking fat fucking body won't it? Yes,
that's right. Wanker!
20. Do you look like anyone famous?
a) No.
b) Someone once said you looked like Michael Stipe from R.E.M.
c) Yes, the fucking Michelin Man.
Answers.
Did you answer:
Mostly A's? You are not a fat cunt.
Mostly B's? Neither are you.
Mostly C's? Woah, stand aside there's a fucking building in the room. You fat cunt, there's people starving in Africa and you're sat there with your 20 piece Mega bucket from KFC for a snack before that meal between breakfast and brunch, you fat obese twat! Fuck right off, now!
not.
1. Describe your appearance.
a) Tall and slim with fair hair and good posture.
b) Average height with a stocky build and short, dark hair.
c) Like a fucking beached whale you fat twat. With your baggy clothes that resemble lycra and hair stuck to your fucking head and stretch marks all over you, fat cunt.
2. A question for men. How big is your dick?
a) Small, you'd rather not say the exact measurement.
b) Long, about 8"or 9", roughly.
c) Fuck knows. You haven't seen it since you were 12. It's been hiding under your gut for 20 years you fat shit. It might be fucking huge but you'll never know because it looks so fucking small under your hanging bastard stomach.
3. Now for the ladies. How much do your tits droop?
a) About 1" below the point at which they join your torso.
b) They don't.
c) So fucking much it looks like you've got a second pair of knees you saggy titted fucking wench.
4. When you go to the beach for a day out, what's your main concern?
a) Getting sunburned.
b) Walking on something sharp or disgusting.
c) Harpoons.
5. Which of the following makes you break into a sweat?
a) Energetic sports.
b) Aerobics.
c) Eating, you fat fuck!
6. What do you have for breakfast?
a) A full english breakfast.
b) A bowl of cereal.
c) A loaf of bread, toasted, a bowl of cereal (washing up bowl that is), 18
eggs, 2lb of sausages, 4lb of bacon and a saucpan of baked beans. Washed down by 3litres of coke and a box of cream cakes.
7. What do you eat for lunch and dinner?
a) A snack for lunch and a healthy meal at tea-time.
b) A salad for lunch and a 3 course meal in the evening.
c) All the pies, you fucking hippo!
8. You have just lost 2 stone in weight, why is this?
a) You've been on a crash diet.
b) You were very ill and couldn't eat properly for a couple of months.
c) You've just been for a shit.
9. What's your favourite type of fish?
a) Cod, chip shop style.
b) Smoked salmon.
c) The bloater, you bastardised fucking fat bastard bloater!
10. When you go on holiday, which section do you book your seat in?
a) First class.
b) Standard class.
c) Cargo class. You get tied to a cage in the fucking cargo hold after being shot with a tranquiliser dart. You fat bastard, you can't afford 2 seats and 5 meals, while the captain can't take a chance on you moving from one side of the plane to another for fear of bringing the cunting plane down you sweaty twat!
11. When did you last have sex?
a) In the last couple of weeks.
b) In the last couple of months.
c) 1985 you fat cunt. Just before you ballooned in weight to resemble a
fucking council tip you fat greasy shite! Fuck off and lose some weight.
12. What do you use to wash your hair?
a) Timotei.
b) Head and Shoulders.
c) Vegetable oil. Why the fuck do all you fat bastards have greasy fucking hair you could cook chips in, eh? Is it some sort of pre-requisite of being a fat slovenely hunk of spunk? Is it that you can't afford shampoo after you've been around the rest of Tescos before you get to the Health and Beauty section so you recycle whatever's fucking nearest? Come on fatty, fucking tell me!!!
13. What do you eat your dinner off?
a) A bone china dinner service.
b) A cheap Argos dinner set given to you as a wedding present.
c) The fucking frying pan. Dirty lazy bastard.
14. You go down to the local sports centre for a swim. What happens?
a) You pop in, do a few lengths and then use the sauna.
b) You spend an hour or so in the pool and then go to the showers.
c) You jump in the pool and flood the fucking place, closing it for a month. Not because of the flooding but because they had to remove the roof to get your fat bastard lard ass out of the fucking pool you heffer!
15. What can normally be found behind your ear at work?
a) A biro.
b) A cigarette.
c) A chocolate eclair.
16. You've just eaten a 14" deep pan, stuffed crust pizza with extra toppings
and garlic bread. How do you feel?
a) Stuffed to the max.
b) Sick as a pig.
c) Ready for the second starter.
17. What anti-perspirant do you use?
a) Lynx roll-on.
b) Brut.
c) Gillette BO, you stinking fat twat!
18. What are you wearing right now?
a) Smart clothes.
b) Jeans and a t-shirt.
c) a 2-man tent from Millets.
19. What's yopur favourite clothing colour?
a) Blue.
b) Red.
c) Black, that'll hide your 25 stone hulking fat fucking body won't it? Yes,
that's right. Wanker!
20. Do you look like anyone famous?
a) No.
b) Someone once said you looked like Michael Stipe from R.E.M.
c) Yes, the fucking Michelin Man.
Answers.
Did you answer:
Mostly A's? You are not a fat cunt.
Mostly B's? Neither are you.
Mostly C's? Woah, stand aside there's a fucking building in the room. You fat cunt, there's people starving in Africa and you're sat there with your 20 piece Mega bucket from KFC for a snack before that meal between breakfast and brunch, you fat obese twat! Fuck right off, now!